-No Commitment, no guarantee your partner isn't having fun elsewhere.

-Don't expect others to mind-read.

-Express your expectations.

-Others may still lie to you.

-One person can't be "everything" to another person. That isn't healthy.

-Courtship is getting to know someone. By going on dates, to the movies, sharing dinner, having sex, whatever- different things for different people.

-The Talk: If you want to know how you stand with someone or whether they would like to be your boyfriend/girlfriend, you have to define what that means to you. You may be in love, you may hope for children, you may be jealous or you might just want to find out what to call you in front of their mum!

Why should a person, once we start having sex with them assume that we are monogamous with them?
Does that derive from a western, christian culture?
How does having sex with someone translate to fidelity- when you aren't even married!
Why do people see the person they have sex with as their "property"- is that the insecurities talking again?

Turns out he works for a Casino, and wouldn't leave me alone with the texts. What is it with texting, it really turns me off. It's lazy, selfish and boring. JUST CALL THE GIRL for goodness sake!
All the while I was watching "PORN- a family business". I am sure my flatmates were wondering at the sounds from my bedroom!

Has anyone seen the "female desire" program? Looks like I should be on it! Apparently the length of your ring finger is related to your sexuality- sth to do with hormone levels in the womb.

"Children of Beslan" on TV made me cry. Here I am rabbiting about the world's most mundane stuff, whilst all those poor lil mites are still going through hell!

Update on the boy front:
Just as I was considering telling Sportscar Boy that I don't have feelings for him and we should stop seeing eachother, beep beep come the nice and sexy texts from Asia.
He asked me which perfume I liked (woo-hoo! Great results after asking only for a chocolate bar with weird writing on it!) and then told me to keep my legs closed until he gets back- the poor sod!
I text back saying I was too tired to share my bed with any of my current lovers (!) but that he inspired me to have a lil wank, and that we should check out the restaurant the phone repair man suggested.
He said I should imagine his cock sliding deep inside me...

I feel so mean! I mean here he is, a busy man at work, introduced me to all his mates and gets so turned on by my fine booty that he comes in 2 minutes flat, and yet I have no idea when his birthday is, thought his parents live near Norfolk (they don't!) and instead of biding my time until he flies back into the country bearing gifts, I plan my next moves concerning Flyboy, Dolphin Boy and Chubby!

After all the sex, being-spoilt-rotten-on dates and meeting the mates, all a girl craves is some emotional closeness...

No luck there, either, still no word from Flyboy; Dolphin boy will come to London just as I'm jetting off to a wedding and Chubby needs to be kept at arm's length.
Cheeky is really sexy, but all the hassle with the upcoming divorce etc seem too much to get involved in- also he lives in an uninspiring town far, far away... And his mate James still bears a torch for me. We'll see how our night at the fetish club turns out, should be a laugh!

I will NOT call Flyboy, maybe I scared him off asking how things would change if he had a girlfriend. This constant "out of contact" behaviour seems so odd from a guy who asked me to come to Aussi-land with him on our first date... Then again it was an odd first date, we went swimming (so I saw him in his trunks before even kissing him) and had our first snog next to the Eros statue in Piccadilly Circus...
I mean I know he has irregular work patterns and doesn't always switch on his mobile but I think he knows he is being rude.
Here's another sad bit:
I checked out pilot training schemes online, and yes if you finance it yourself it's over 50 grand!!! Also I really fancy him in his current uniform (he's NOT a policeman but in a run-of the mill working-class type of job)-imagine if he was a proper pilot, he'd be unable to leave the house without giving me a quick seeing-to in the hallway first!

That's what I'm afraid of, making myself vulnerable again by allowing those deep emotions to take hold. You then have all these expectations of a person, want to change and make them perfect, get upset if they operate in a different way to yourself, and the higher you climb the deeper you fall...

Flyboy never turned up , no text or call either.
Ah well, if he was my boyfriend I would now be well pissed off. He didn't promise he would come, but I am mildly concerned why he never even text to say: sorry, but...

Instead TV boy (reality TV "star" who I met through the internet) came with 2 mates, what a nice surprise! Been MSN'ing him for ages, and it was just like meeting an old mate- he is great!

Millie's rat climbed into Samantha's top, we all got drunk, played with the neighbour's kids and generally had a nice sunny day.

And I got to snog Cheeky boy again, no dark corners necessary as my "date" for the day wasn't there anyway.
He really is lovely and handsome and a great snog, but we didn't exchange numbers as we'll probably be seeing each other through James.
James started to get a bit sentimental- I got off with him last year and something may have developed, but then he didn't get in touch for a month or so and when he did, I was seeing The Bastard... Urgh, such regrets always come too late. Why do guys do that, and suffer from this weird insecurity?

Maybe that's why flyboy didn't turn up- but how rude is that to not even say "sorry I'm not coming"! I would have expected Flyboy to come rather than TV boy- strange.
This may be his way of telling me not to get too attached to him. How could I anyway- he will be away travelling until the end of September soon.

What do guys think when they leave you hanging, that you'll just twiddle your thumbs until they want to see you? I think every girl needs a few "backup" options or she'll be constantly disappointed.
I actually made the "list" last night, about the good and bad things about Flyboy. I could not think of more that 7 bad things about him, even including stupid stuff like "slightly ungroomed", and "lives a bit far away"!
The "good points" list was much longer, and included some really profound stuff.
However one point on the "bad" list was how crap he is at keeping in touch!

-------------

Crap I still miss about The Bastard:
(and yes I agree, I am SO not ready yet)

reading next to him in bed
cuddling on the sofa
brushing his cat
how comfortable I always felt in his flat
the incredible sex
his dick
stroking his smooth back
his lovely chest and bum
his lips, his eyes
wearing his bathrobe
laughing together, so much laughing
feeling really close to him and loved
eating together
my head on his chest
"our favourite drink"
waking up together

Urgh I am making myself feel sick!

HOW CAN I STILL FEEL THIS!?

WW2 in London, a ballet dancer meets a captain in an air raid shelter, he comes to the theatre to see her dance, they fall in love in a day, he turns up outside her hotel the next day and suggests they get married. However as it's after 3pm the priest says they have to come back the next day at 11am. No exceptions even in wartime (nice...)!
You could tell though the only reason he was that desperate to marry her was to get her into bed, the scoundrel!
Unfortunately he then got called back to the front early and rang her just as she was about to get ready to go to the theatre for the evening performance, and she decides to race to (you guessed it) Waterloo to wave him off.
She only sees him for about 3 seconds as the train is leaving, misses the performance and her and her mouthy friend get the sack from the frigid ballet mistress.
So now they are pennyless in a London before DSS, trying to get work but it's impossible... He sends flowers and they think about selling them to the florist, they are that starved...
His mum then comes to London from Scotland to meet her but just before she arrives at the posh restaurant (for "tea"), she reads her captain's name in the papers as having been killed in action. She makes a stammering fool of herself, the mum leaves in a huff and she faints (as you do).
Her friend then turns to prostitution to support them, and as her fiance is now dead and suffering with her broken heart, without any enthusiasm to find more cannon fodder to marry and support her nor any decent jobs around (weren't there ammunitions factories and stuff?), she also becomes a hooker. This is beautifully shot, in the entire film nobody mentions the word!
I got really sad watching that, because she just seems so hopeless and has lost the man she loves... Of course she can't ask his mum for money, the woman has no responsibility towards her and was a bit of a dragon...
One day, waiting for horny soldiers in (you guessed it) Waterloo, Roy (der Totgeglaubte -sorry no English words here, just like in "Schadenfreude" or "Kindergarten"...)-shock horror, JOY! steps off the train, sees her and wants to drag her to the altar again (now even hornier than before)- but things have changed...

He calls his mum, she wipes off the whore's makeup, he takes her shopping for decent clothes, and they set off for his Scottish country estate. They have a lovely party and dance- very romantic!
The locals are a bit suspicious because she isn't the moneyed sort, but all could be hunky-dory if it wasn't for her bad conscience!
She confesses all to his mum at night, making her promise he'd never find out about her past, and leaves!
The mum even said it's as much her fault as the girl's and she is totally shocked, but still Moira writes him a note and leaves.
He then travels to London to try and find her, and together with her girlfriend he goes on a mission thorough London's sleazy bars.
Unfortunately she throws herself in front of an ambulance before they find her....
SOB!

Sorry if this sounds cynical, I enjoyed the film and it pulled on my heartstrings but here we have:
A man who is selfish!-if he just wanted to get laid he should have gone to a hooker instead of getting this girl all emotional and causing her to lose her job.
-he has nothing to offer at this precise moment, because he is about to go to the front. Even if he married her and she got to live with his toffy mum in the huge country pile, still she would have NO MAN, no kids, and no sex for a very long time.
A woman who is too trustworthy, "decent" and emotional
-she falls in love too soon and risks her living for some guy she just met
-she is so messed up by his "death" she cannot hunt for another bloke, gets depressed and can't get a job
-then she feels bad for becoming a hooker!
-and KILLS HERSELF because she has such a bad conscience- hey did she have a choice? She did in killing herself, she could have just kept quiet (I wonder how many chicks he shagged-he looked at least 27) at least until she married him, or just tried telling him and then if he got arsy, explain to him it was all HIS fault in the first place!

Honestly why do we women bother...

The reason I am pondering this location problem is that I had a very exciting and funny email from Dolphin Boy today, suggesting a date in London but also asking about the availability of any sofas or some such for him to crash on- or whether he'd need to arrange alternative accommodation. Very gentlemanly I must say, but I'd rather hoped he could stay with a friend or whatever. If he comes specifically to see me I don't really want to be in the position of having to put him up, especially given the absence of sofas or even a living room in my flat!
I just loved his sense of humour in writing this email because it came in response to an email I sent in the same style- I love people who just "get" my stupid sense of humour! He signed it: Gentleman of the Realm. Whatever that means... LOL!

The French banker text me tonight asking if I was free for drinks today or tomorrow (as if!), because he had missed his plane to France due to his demanding job...

Also Chubby has been exercising his lil chubby fingers on his Siemens, but apart from lifting pints I suspect that's the only exercise he will do this weekend...

Sportscar boy had his phone stolen in Asia, so he text me from a different number (I am glad he mentioned where he was or it could have been anyone- made my flatmates laugh when I got the text during a DVD marathon following a takeaway feast)... I didn't reply because I want to cool it between us. Poor sod...

I suspect that if I spend another night with Flyboy I will fall in love with him and that'll be that.
Trust me that out of a Sportscar-owning fitness freak, a millionaire about to emigrate to the Carribbean, a writer with a horse and a posh country boy, I end up falling for the pennyless pilot without even an A-Level to his name!

Hey- I am watching "The Brothel" on BBC3 whilst I am writing this, and "You don't own me" came on, one of my favourites and that old classic from Dirty Dancing- was listening to that soundtrack today whilst painting my bathroom- so I've had a productive day!
Actually not as productive as the girls on the bunnyranch, one said she once made $10 000 in 3 hours! Now that's a carreer where you can afford to get a guy into paint the bathroom for you...

Went to the gym yesterday and I am proud of myself for only having had 2 glasses of wine last night (2 glasses of wine and champagne tonight with the girls but it was a special occasion). A cute guy kept looking at me whilst I was working out, but then I realised he wasn't interested in me and my fat arse, only in when I would come off the weights!

On top of everything, I have now discovered I have another very unsexy ailment- a haemorrhoid! (is that how you spell that?) I think the problem got aggravated when Sportscar boy insisted on putting a finger up my bum recently- I mean I started that whole thing and he liked it, but it's just not the same for girls. Our G-spots are in another place altogether!
The only time I got really turned on by anything near my bumhole was when my "nice ex" stroked me there during sex and suggested it might be another man's cock- very naughty! I came like a train. (not as in: "never on time", but with a lot of force and noise!)
You can only have this kind of dirty talk in "proper" relationships though, right, or they might think you are weird...
Some stuff still freaked me out though during our "experiments":
-when I put him in my pvc skirt and boots and we had sex on my flatmate's bed- and he liked it!
-when I put a long implement (better not tell what) up his bum and it came out really disgusting (I made him wash it)...
I think he was just a bit too submissive for my taste!

A group of us ended up going for a "healthy kebab" (=falafel) which I shared with sexy boy #1 and on to another bar (incidentally where we'd had dinner on Wednesday), where I bumped into Samantha and her boyfriend. She isn't so sure about him, but he is lovely. A bit young perhaps and also going through a carreer change, but he lost 2 stone since dating her, looks more funky every time I meet him and is genuinely besotted with her.

They were really drunk. I had decided to take it easy after my mum suggested telling my therapist how drunk I was on Wednesday and to keep a drinking diary!
So I'd only had 2 glasses of wine. I introduced sexy boy 1 ("Baby boy"-he's 21!) to them, then went to talk to sexy boy 2 (Cheeky Boy-the one with the 2 kids and upcoming divorce).
He was super flirty with me and there was a LOT of chemistry between us. He is only a bit taller than me in heels, with cute stubble and messy dark hair, and the most gorgeous blue eyes.

After The Bastard I will NEVER go for anyone with brown eyes again, urgh! I have always preferred green and blue ones anyway.

So anyway, he is putting his hand on my hip and moving closer, I was like, what are you doing, he went, what me? Nothing, you are flirting with me, and so on...
His face is really close to mine and his pupils are huge, I can feel his stubble- then he pulls me closer and we kiss. He feels really good, and man is he a wonderful kisser! The stubble was just long enough to be really soft and ticklish and he has the softest lips and puts just the right pressure and suction into the kiss- this sounds very thechnical, but it was wonderful.

All the while I am aware of James and Baby boy potentially watching us, and I don't want to cause any aggro... I meant I don't owe any of these boys anything but I think they both quite like me and I did not want to upset anyone... Weird huh?
Or maybe just super conceited!

Anyway so we are snogging on and off, and I keep popping back to the bar where Baby, Samantha and boyfriend are getting on like a house on fire and -yes- Baby is flirting with me too!
They are feeding me sugary Caipiroshka and have bought Baby a drink too...
Then we all get seats and Cheeky and I keep kissing, hard to keep apart... We talk about his kids, and my cousin's babies. I mean I like kids, but have never dated anyone who was a dad- freaky! Then we all start messing about with our camera phones, taking pictures- Samantha and boyf, me with Cheeky, Baby and I, James...
The lights come on and it's 1am.
I take Baby's email, kiss Cheeky goodnight and share a cab with Samantha and boyf- but here's the kicker: They are all invited to Millie's barbecue on Sunday, and Flyboy might come too! Cheeky was excited to see me again on Sunday, but I've had to tell him that I will be there with someone else.
He was fine with that but said he would try to kiss me anyway. I said I did not want to get (him) into trouble- he went, what is he bigger than me? I said that wasn't it! I might just have to find a quiet corner to drag him into...
And maybe Flyboy might not even come, he's like that.

He started kissing me in the kitchen, and even though he doesn't snog my face off I got very excited... I stopped him because I was getting claustrophobic in the house and wanted to go for a walk. We went out for lunch, but because of feeling so sick from my hangover I only had dessert. Great start to a healthier approach to food!

He is so perfect it scares me.
He also just told me he will have no money for 4 years as he is going back to studying to become a commercial pilot. I am happy for him, but this already puts a big question mark over a potential future with him, as guys never want to have a family unless they have some cash behind them...
I know I am jumping the gun here, but I can really see myself falling for him and need to put a stop to it in time to avoid getting disappointed further down the line.

I also asked him what was stopping him from having a girlfriend as such, he couldn't remember our conversation about that but said it was mainly time constraints and the fact he is crap at keeping in touch. That's a bit odd though considering he was in a 4 year long-distance relationship, you gotta be able to stay in touch in that situation! But it went some way towards explaining why he hadn't called me in 2 weeks. Ah well it wasn't like I was exactly waiting by the phone!
I just know I would resent that behaviour if it came from my "boyfriend"!

Because of my period we used a condom anyway, so that's put the conversation off for now.
I didn't really plan to have sex with him, since that's always a bit awkward if you are "on" even if you know the person well but he is just soo good at "pressing all my buttons" so to speak...

He started by going down on me; he has the most wonderful hands, and his dick felt amazing. Both in my mouth and elsewhere! He also is the most genuinely beautiful man I have ever slept with. Unfortunately he keeps his eyes closed a lot of the time (they are soo pretty!) and needs to open his mouth more when he's kissing me.
I hate people who try to eat your face or get tons of air or saliva in your mouth, but it's gotta be a nice exchange of sucks, licks and nibbles and you HAVE to open that mouth!
When I was 18 I had a boyfriend who would kiss so wet, he literally left me dribbling onto my chin. Urgh.

I asked him if he gets jealous stares in the shower at the gym- even when not erect his penis is just massive, especially since he's that skinny. Girls don't know penis envy obviously, but I used to want bigger tits or a different shape. Now I am happy with what I've got though, just a nice average 34B, and I don't even have to wear a bra.

Previusly after sex with him I have actually cried I felt so happy, and it felt pretty similar this time around. Only it was the afternoon, and I wasn't so desperate to sleep.
After cuddling and looking at eachother like lovesick pink fluffy bunnies for a bit, he got rid of the (literally) bloody condom (urgh how embarrassing!)-He always produces a LOT of semen, I swear it's more than 3 teaspoons!- and put his clothes back on.

Funnily enough he had brought his tool bag (don't ask)- cue lots of jokes about tools and "a good servicing"... Yes he DOES have a very silly sense of humour!
I was waiting for the phone repair man, so he joked about "one in, one out"- well nearly, I swear that guy was trying to ask me out!
I felt like a desperate housewife in a cheap porno... But not desperate enough thank God. When the guy had finished fixing the phone, he asked if I ever went out in Camden (I do) and then suggested a very secret restaurant I just had to try- apparently the bottle of Perrier Rose Champagne costs 35 quid. I will bear that in mind for my date with Dolphin Boy!

I think I know how I got so drunk; we had booze with dinner and in a stroke of genious I decided to help myself to some Champagne flutes off the table (the ones in my flat never last very long, I wonder why), so when we got to the S, I just pulled one of the glasses out of my bag and helped myself to some "abandoned" Champagne in a bucket... ;-) Awful, but u know when you are so tipsy already you don't even care? We finished the champagne and I popped the glas back in my bag. Classy! Then in the Lounge I just kept drinking whatever stood around...

Ok, I gotta eat some breakfast.
Chubby has emiled me some very cute piccies of himself, and he is REALLY driven in his work, which I admire... We also like the same films (Oh it must be fate!)

Flyboy is coming around, but I feel dreadful I'm gonna be such a zombie. Also my period has started, I cannot yet walk straight, my kitchen is a mess and I gotta tell him about the HPV, so I won't be much fun...

Posh boy wants to meet up tonight- actually I want to meet him because he owes me money, great motive I know- but he's already asked if he can stay cos his car is buggered. Or maybe he got done for drink driving, I don't know.
I haven't yet replied to his text, as I don't want him sleeping over. A nice date somewhere would be better, but he is so manipulative!
He invited me and my friend Anna on his mate's yacht for a sailing regatta a couple of weeks ago, but then never managed to hook up with us so we got stuck on the boat with King Sleaze and his drunk assistant ("cook" and "navy boy" were quite nice actually). We had to sleep on the sofas with no blankets, because the alternative would have been too disgusting to contemplate...
The next day Sleazy kicked us off the boat without breakfast, and Posh boy and his friend managed to persuade us to join them anyway, but we had to get a ferry- which they would pay for! But then they had maxed out their bank card daily allowance, so no cash for poor old me... I mean don't say you're gonna pay for fares if you can't! I ended up putting both Anna's and my ferry ticket on my card and then there was the train back- when the original plan had been to go back with the same driver who had picked us up.
Oh the fall from favour if guys realize you have some moral standards after all!

Ironically, I am sad every time I get my period (dumb huh- I mean I am on the pill, use condoms and DON'T have a proper boyfriend) and think just cos I am getting fat I may be pregnant- duh!
He told me he wasn't some naive young boy who falls in love every time he has sex with someone, but that it was more than that -and I felt it was pretty special, too.
I mean at first he was just some random guy in a pub with a sweet face and a generous wallet, next I know we are tied into one of the most intense conversations I have had this month!
We feel very similarly passionate about our work, which is in the same business... And he loved listening to me and my perspective (as he is on another end of the scale). He is VERY mature and confident for 23- wish he could lose some weight though...
I mean he looks great in clothes, tall and strong -he is, he carried me to his bed in his flat, and I weigh nearly 11 Stone!- and he has a cute face and very pretty eyes.
But naked- um I dunno. I am not talking about a tiny beer belly, more like folds of fat- even on his back. What a shame, he is soo sweet! I'm really not "lookist" I think, I have fancied all sorts of people but he is the only guy I have ever slept with whose bum was so flabby it felt like a tummy! And his arms started to hurt when he was on top of me...
I thought it would be sexy, going to bed with someone who was so big he could crush me, but tender at the same time- however it was more like a recipe for an early heart attack. He is great at oral sex, but took ages to come. He had to finish himself off- his tum even looks big when he's lying down... OOOh I sound so mean!
But I vowed to be honest in this diary, because obviously I cannot be quite so frank with my friends.
If I didn't like him I really wouldn't worry so much. I told him I am seeing people closer to London but I won't do the whole "boyfriend" thing, he told me he could come down to see me when visiting relatives- I am so tempted! But not necessarily to sleep with him again.
I have always wanted to marry someone in a kilt, but not a baby in a size XXXL kilt- Oh I am SUCH a bitch!
And I am not a size 10 either, but my BMI is within normal (20 or so, I am NOT fat!) and I am quite fit.
Ok, I will stop going on.

Before Chubby phoned, Flyboy had just hung up. He'd had 5 days off and didn't ring me once... Might see him today but the weather sucks and I have a birthday party later.
I'm starting to feel a bit pathetic about him. I even text him I had a dream about him (also involving Posh boy, we were on a yacht all together but I only had eyes for Flyboy...) but he never replied. Also he's off travelling soon.

My ex told me he loved me, wanted to grow old with and marry me.

He seemed to come aroud to the idea of having kids one day (before he's a millionaire I guess- he always used to say he needs that kind of money to put them through a 6000 pound a term private school. As if I would send any child of mine away to be spanked by perverts at the age of 8 when I could use that money to sponser 10 starving Africans or whatever!)

I do not even tell my boys I am their girlfriend and I would have very different expectations if I was. It is amazing what you can put up with if you don't think your whole future happiness depends on one person and his perfection!
Instead you share the fun times and if you are having a down day you don't make the other person suffer.

I don't lie, but I do not rub their noses in it either.

When I got picked up by posh boy from the airport recently (Sportscar-boy had a work do and Pilot-boy was working), Sportscar-boy called me up and I told him I was in the car with my friend who had picked me up, and didn't want to be rude by having a long chat. Fair enough I thought, he could have picked me up himself if he wanted to!

On another occasion, I spent the night with Sportscar-boy after a party (we broke the bed in the hotel but that's another story!)- he then had to whizz off to the airport, and his friend dropped me at the tube. Pilot-boy came round later to watch a DVD as I was tired and a bit hungover still from the party... I think I used the whipped cream on both of them!

Then when I returned from Scotland on Sunday I'd had only 4 hours sleep as I had spent a wild time with Chubby boy (who is definitely only ever going to be a one-nighter I think), but after Sportscar-boy picked me up from the airport we had 2 welcome shags anyway...

I miss pilot-boy however, he only texted me once whilst I was away, implying he could do with my talented "stick-action" (a reference to the plane- hey does that make any sense without actually writing down the text!?).

I had about 3 weekends where I saw Sportscar-boy on Saturday and Pilot-boy on Sunday. oooh naughty! weird to be so popular after being unable to get even one guy interested on me for years!
I think it must be due to the fact that I have no expectation and just take things as they come (good pun huh?!)

But now there's a new player: STD-boy. Yes, we met through a STD help-website (as I got HPV from posh boy-I think- remember?)

No, that is a nasty name, and I really like him. I shall call him yacht-boy cos he can sail. Then again, so can some of the others... Or something to do with his job? The mature student? Itchy-feet boy, cos he has never lived anywhere longer than 4 years? No I know, dolphin-boy because he likes diving, like me!

Ok, I had the most perfect date with Dolphin-boy, he came to my show then took me out for lunch, followed by an exploration of what romantic places to visit in Scotland when it rains- a lot, surprisingly!

Anyway we had the most perfect date, he is funny, interesting, mid-thirties so he knows what he wants and has the money to do it (his company sold for millions apparently! All true, I checked on Google.)
AND- he's moving to London!
HOWEVER: LTP- Alert (Less than perfect):
He has a different STD from me, and he SMOKES! Urgh!
So that would mean we can potentially infect eachother with yet another unwanted gift, and I have a real aversion to smokers after Pinocchio (my ex).
Apparently all sailing guys smoke (do they?) and I didn't even kiss him (surprise!) but it has put me off him a bit already.

Well, I just gotta see where it goes.

Funny huh? I bet some people would be more turned off by the prospect of catching a virus than kissing a smoker!

-------------------------------

Bettgeflüster

Now we come to the other lil differences.

How they are in bed-and what is good and not so good about that.

One is the most patient, perfect lover I have ever had. He takes his time, lays me out like a precious buffet and kisses, strokes and licks me all over. He really has the magic touch.
But he kisses like a girl. No sucking or much tongue, just soft sweet butterfly kisses. But I never knew I had that many erogenous zones!
He is also the best-looking guy I have ever woken up next to. Star-blue sparkling eyes, gorgeous lips, sandy hair... A bit un-groomed. Our first time was in that meadow. See the poetry.
If I wasn't so messed up I would fall in love with him. My friends like him, he is tall and lean, but walks with a stoop. He isn't homophobic (actually none of them are) but gay boys fancy him.
Ok, back to the nitty-gritty. He has a humongous dick. Great! I hear you cry. Um, no. Condoms don't fit him. He couldn't wear any of the ones I got free from the sex clinic but I had to go and buy Durex (all packs have the mm measurements on the back, who ever knew that!?) So Durex are 56mm, all the others between 53 and 55 or so. Trust me, that's important!
Anyway, they aren't really long enough either. And it is a job and a half to get him fully erect. Which is a job I hate doing!
Please if you go to bed with me, be nice and hard and turned on! I get wet just by feeling that.
I get very frustrated if he's spent ages gong down on me, and I just want him inside me, NOW- then I gotta stroke and lick him until he can! (am I too fat, does he not fancy me really, is he thinking of the football...?)
Incidentally I give the "world's best blow-job ever" (his quote).
Has anyone ever noticed that a man can't get totally turned on/come if he has cold feet? So leave those socks on I say (I do too, in Winter)!
I usually come once before he is inside me, and then a second time with him. Lovely. He doesn't last too long or too short. But he makes a lot of noise! Also likes breathing in my ear. I mean that is quite sexy, but I get the impression his ex liked it and it's just a bit too theatrical.
He has 3 (!) chest hairs and unfortunately a very spotty back... I like squeezing spots and blackheads, but it's awfully intimate, isn't i? Especially if he hates it!
One of my exes had that, it's like trying to read Braille.

Number two is heavier, in a not-too muscly way. He is really sporty but not too skinny. They are incidentally the same hight (any taller and they wouldn't fit in my shower), about a head taller than me. And I am tall!
He has amazing, soft fluffy blonde hairs on his arms and legs but also a smooth chest and hardly any spots on his back (apart from one monster, which needs looking at I think!).
His dick is average sized (ironically he uses Durex, too!) but really tiny when flaccid, especially given his frame and gingerish pubes. And he comes REALLY quickly. The good think is, he can do it again almost immediately but you really need that too, if you are only half-way there from the first time. And it's good if you don't have a lot of time to spend on sex. I never get much sleep with the first one, cos the whole thing just takes AGES, like in a film!
And I am there like, I wanna come and go to sleep, and he isn't even hard properly and I haven't even returned the massage etc...
And we are already on the third CD...

So, back to number two. I don't feel emotionally close to him. His longest relationship lasted 9 months, I think he is a bit cold. He calls me "Hey you" and "young lady"-maybe he can't remember my name?
Incidentally he plays golf with one of my friend's brothers who told me he was a bit of a lady's man. Hey that makes two! I mean I am a boy's woman. Funny how that doesn't work in reverse. Maybe it's called a slag, I dunno. Nasty, huh!?
It gets on my nerves that he doesn't ever really just "go for it". He keeps warning me: I'm gonna come, stop moving, or I will come- I go: keep going (I am bored), harder, don't stop...
But he just holds, back, and then he comes anyway and I am there, like- hel-lo!? Not good. He likes the 69. What, is it like boring to go down on a woman without her suckling on his dick? I can't come that way cos I once heard that wome bite involuntaliry if they come... Also my brain is too busy keeping my tongue in action to just switch off and let me orgasm. Women need a lot of repetetive movement to come, everytime you start a new move it's like starting all over again!

The curve goes like this for a man: / and like that for a woman: .:/ if they are lucky! Can someone show me how to do a graph on here? You get the drift. Boys: Straight up: I'm coming! Girls: up, down, dont stop, no I said dont stop, urgh, ok, up again, down again, keep going! uh, yes, harder, um, ah AH ARGH! Um, ah,ah,ah ah! AAAAAH! :-) I've come :-) That was great!
(now imagine a lil bowing smiley like you get on msn "winks")

And sometimes I like to just have one really good fuck, instead of lots of "interesting" little ones. Even if one of them is in the kitchen and one in the shower.

Anyone ever noticed how frequently, once you start having sex with someone, you don't talk so much? Weird...

More soon!

Every girl I know has more than one good girlfriend, and although there can be jealousy between girls about their friend's attention it is socially accepted to spend quality time with more than one friend.
So why can't friendship involve sex, too? After all, exclusive fidelity is a marriage promise, right?
And if he doesn't commit to me like that (just talking about rings and babies doesn't count, he may still be wasting your time!) I may as well see what else is out there.
It really takes the pressure off, but also increases the rejection ratio. After all if one man doesn't ring or seem interested, you get disappointed and start to doubt yourself. Now what if you are dating 3, 5 or 7 guys and still none of them rings you!? You'd feel even more rejected. However there are always plenty more boys to meet...

In the last few months my lovers have included:
-a young bi-racial journalist who owns a horse
-a tall blonde account exec who drives an expensive European sports car
-a 23-year old Highlander with blue eyes, a cute accent and a fat white tummy
-a very handsome hobby pilot with a six-pack who can fix motorbikes and is the most patient lover, ever
-a crazy perma-drunk Jim Carrey lookalike who drives like a maniac, tries to burn 50 pound notes, is so posh he puts his Gucci loafers on shoe horns every night and cooks me huge portions of porridge in the morning (he also gave me HPV a year ago)
-a workaholic composer- our night of passion at the Sanderson was overdue since we met in LA 5 years ago!

In my life I've had sex:
-in hotel rooms in England, Greece, France and Scotland, flats in London, New York and Edinburgh, on a roof in LA, a meadow in Oxfordshire, a carpet in Notting Hill, a car in Spain, a waterfall in Thailand, his parent's back garden in the daytime, during a wedding reception in Essex, in the shower of a fetish club, in a pool at night in Gloucestershire, in a tent in Biarritz, in the bath upstairs from a family dinner...
-with 2 Australians at a party, a balding "director" 16 years older than me, my friend's ex...
-when I was drunk, when I was ill, when I've had a headache, when I was sore, when I was too dry, when I had a boyfriend...

However, it's not all about sex. I am attracted to all sorts of people, and it is fun to go out with guys when there is an attraction which can lead to lots of flirty, sweaty dirty dancing, foot massage and snogging, not more. You wake up alone and with a happy glow, not with a moody guy who expects breakfast and a morning shag when you are still half asleep.

It is exciting to know I have options.
Although I am really starting to like pilot-boy, we both don't currently want to be in a "relationship".
There are elements of "couply" behaviour with every one of the guys I am dating:
Sportscar-boy has introduced me to all his friends, half of whom are married/engaged/parents- even the gay couple live together and have godchildren!
Flyboy comes around just to watch a DVD and get cosy, or takes me on trips in his plane and on his motorbike.
Chubby boy asked me to stay in Scotland with him, offered to pay for changing my ticket and looks at me like I am his girlfriend (then again he's only 23 and probably naive and unspoilt).
Journo-boy introduced me to his sister on our 3rd date (I couldn't stand up to greet her as I was sitting on my bra...).
Posh boy expects every one of our dates to include a sleepover.
Canadian boy snogs me in public. A lot. But I haven't seen him in weeks!

Things I find a turn-off:
Spotty backs, long working hours, smoking, bad grooming, smelly dicks, early risers, aerosol deodorant, long pubes, talk about his wonderful ex, manipulative behavior, when he's quiet or not interested in what I have to say, bad dancing, drugs.

Keep reading this, I am tired now from lack of sleep in Scotland and follow-up shag with Sportscar-boy... ;-)