What a guy!

Never mind, I had a lovely time and can't be arsed to worry about people who aren't around. MM pulled me onto his lap and nuzzled my neck, thinking he could carry on from where we left off last time, and he referred to our "virtual sex" last time in front of the guy who gave me the dope. My friends insisted they never get stoned, but they don't normally laugh that much or sing along to the music that loudly.
It was like I had my own mobile studio audience, every random thing I said was answered with an echo of giggles and they nearly fell off the sofa.
I was so high, at one point I walked into the gazebo and announced: "I can see dead people", making everybody fall silent and spawning rumours of a sceance in the shed. I left, laughing like a drain and people looked really bewildered.

Xfriend and I hardly talked, but it was fine and I danced dirtily with a tall American who was just after me for the grass (and had a beard), a strong black guy and a short Japanese woman. One of my friends was pissed off that a guy she once made out with keeps taking it for granted they will kiss again at every party they bump into one another, and then she saw MM making the moves on me after he'd tried to chat her up... What can you say, people are horny bastards... Nothing wrong with a bit of flirting, but spreading it too thinly will just scream out you don't really mean it.

So anyway, after I woke up at midday I had a call which I didn't answer) and then a text from Frenchy, I replied and got a text from Chubby. Weird.
Frenchy essentially sent me a booty text: "Why do you need to know me? We kissed as strangers and it was magic, so lets make love as strangers. Come to my place at 7pm...(and the address)"
OH DEAR! I would feel like a cheap hooker! But I was tempted, thinking of his hands and his kisses...
He wouldn't let up, and text: "I can be your lover and give you pleasure but dont wanna tell lies", so I asked what he was hiding? He replied: "Nothing. I told u what I want. Fun and hot time together without thinking too much for once..."
So much about brunettes being the thinking man's women! LOL!
I basically said I wouldn't spend any time with anyone, as hungover as I was...(as a reply to his text saying "some people spend 20 years together without knowing one another"- what is he suggesting, a love-less marriage based on emotionless fucking?)

Samantha popped over with my stuff from her flat, told me about her holidays with Mr Not-Quite-Right-but-great-in-bed-and-would-make-a-superb-dad and urged me to go over to Frenchy's house. But really, who does he think I am!? Which is ironic really, because I would have loved to go over and just be wild and wanton. It is slightly different though in the cold light of a sober day...

Chubby's text was really cute, saying "helloooo baby, had a superb weekend" and so on... I asked him when he would be coming to London, but he doesn't have any plans unless I help him to make some. As if. I think I saw him on a poster on the tube with 2 women in some phone advert, at least it looks like him. He is simply too big without his clothes, and he might be expecting to take them off again, but no way Jose!

After I text Frenchy I won't be coming over cos I'd feel sleazy (did that kind of thing before and regretted it...) I turned my phone off so he couldn't call me. Surprise though, he didn't even try! Or at least he hasn't left a message.

Now the term is starting again I guess I will have to concentrate on studying, anyway and not on dating random guys who think I'm (sl)eazy!

He said he's not watching anything, so I asked: so you are calling strangers instead? He said yes, he just got me out the phone book.
I said he has to give me a massage sometime.
He said he wants to kiss a stranger on Sunday. I asked: so what, me, or another stranger? He laughed. I mean I am not really a stranger now anymore, am I. I mean I know he grew up near Paris and where he works and lives, that's about it. He didn't ask much about me. I think it's just lust and he gets off on that. Actually I do, too- it's quite horny.
So maybe we'll have dinner and a massage on Sunday. And I will try not to find out too much about him and make the most of my still-single status.
It better be a nice restaurant though, and a fucking great massage.

I might not even fuck him.
I have done this a few times, gone home with someone and then just walked out. I once pulled this Swedish guy who was a total arsehole. Tall but with a tiny dick. Which he tried to shove inside me. I was scared he would rape me. He fell asleep eventually and started snoring (I think he wanked himself off in the end), so I got up and looked for some taxi money. I found about £10. And a lot of notes on cupboards in the kitchen, and in the bathroom telling his flatmates to wash up and clean and what not. Very boring. A control-freak and an arsehole, I'm glad I didn't fuck the arrogant prick.

Another time I had this huge crush on this South African guy. One night we went back to his from the pub, and all of a sudden I was naked on his bed, he'd taken all my clothes off. I was enjoying him stroking me and so on, he gave great oral sex. Then he went to his drawer to get a condom out. I have to say I was actually surprised and freaked out. I had only slept with one guy and was looking for a boyfriend. I threw my clothes back on and walked home, leaving him flummoxed.
In my hurry I "forgot" my bra.
However I then didn't hear from him, and kept leaving him messages which he never returned. In the end he popped round with my bra but refused to even come upstairs for a coffee. He told me at the door I probably wanted different things. Which was true, but I was a bit heartbroken.
Glad, again, I didn't go all the way.

Saying that, I've only had one one-night stand this year (with Chubby-I really can't see how we would do it agin), not counting the repeat offender (posh boy) and possible follow-up candidates like Musicboy and Dolphinboy.
Incidentally Chubby didn't have a condom and we might have just left it at an explosive oral orgasm and some mutual masturbation if I hadn't got mine out, but you never know. I am glad to know I am covered.
Especially as it takes just one time of being less careful for serious consequences to emerge.

Saying that, you can have that virus in your body for years without showing any signs. 60% of people carry it but most have it without symptoms. I am just an unlucky statistic I guess. So maybe I got it off Old boy but it lay dormant until all the stress brought it out.
Who knows.
At least I know I won't pass it on if I am careful.

I have also tried the female condoms, or Femidom. Now these are really weird. I got some because I keep meeting people whose dicks are too big for most condom brands, and wanted to try them with Flyboy.
However the trick is to lubricate them on the inside, or weird things happen.
They consist of 2 rings at the top and bottom of a thin plastic bag. You shove the lower ring inside you, and the top ring stays on the outside so in reality the guy fucks a plastic bag stuck in a girl. Romantic. But less restrictive on his penis than a condom, and you don't have to worry about things leaking out the bottom.
In our case however he didn't slide into the Femidom, but instead his penis got stuck to the plastic, and he pushed the whole thing inside me, outer ring and all. It was a very odd sensation and not a safer-sex success, so we carried on with regular condoms.
It is just so awkward if you have to slide your finger inside the condom to pull it down all the way, if it won't roll down because he's so huge. I am always worried I will scratch his dick (ouch) or the condom (OUCH!), or that he'll lose his erection.
Maybe that's why some black boys have lots of different babymothers, because the rubbers just aren't big enough (if that old cliche is true. Well according to Mr Darkson, and my encounter with BB in the club, it is). Why don't they invent a spray-on-and-dry one?

Isn't it also odd how you start off with very good intentions, and then you just run out of rubbers and carry on anyway? Like why do they only put 2 in hotel mini bars? What do you do with a guy who goes through them and still hasn't had enough cos you were both waiting for this moment for 5 years!?
Or when he comes twice and then you have a shower but you are still horny and just pull him inside you from behind because you deserve to come as well!? And you are too wet and turned on to run through the flat to root around drawers and pockets to get more...
Or how you think it won't count because he didn't ejaculate that time.
And how you wish you could have the spontaneiety you have in committed relationships.

Samantha and I had been taken to dinner at Titanic (then vv trendy restaurant, and THE place to be) by some cute investment banker and his mates, when we met another guy at the bar.
He offered to buy us drinks and then proceded to tell her about his job (which was exactly what she wanted to hear- a model agent I think). Then he talked to me about his job, but pretended to be something else (which was exactly what I wanted to hear and made for some interesting conversation).
Ok, you may think now why we abandoned the cute banker types to talk to some made-up Romeo at the bar, but I can only say we were young(er) and stupid, well you live and learn and now I try to hold on to what I've got.
Also alcohol combined with the tiny portions they used to serve in that place (50cm plates containing a dollop of food that could have been served in an egg cup) definitely clouded our judgement.
Anyway, the boys went on to Ministry, and we got stuck with the (by now v drunk) pseudo-model agent who dragged us into a dodgy Chinese place cos he hadn't eaten, then off to a taxi under the pretense of following the boys to the Ministry, but we somehow ended back at his place. There was some snogging going on in the cab as far as I remember, and after some more wine at his place I found myself half naked on his bed, blindfolded and tied up with the cord from his bathrobe.
The guy and Samantha were also in the bed, and I felt my nipples being stroked and licked and heard lots of giggling.
I have to say to my defense that I started the whole tying-up thing but he then turned the tables on me. Not that I minded, it was very horny.
Anyway I managed to free myself eventually before it went too far, but the guy later tried to convince me it had been Samantha who licked my nipples, not him (yeah right- I didn't believe him and she denied it, but I guess I will never know...).
We then went to sleep, but I was woken up in the morning by the sounds of Sam and the guy having sex in the bed next to me.
I had to keep pretending I was still asleep, but when it got too uncomfortable I pretended to "wake up". I went to the bathroom, had a shower and wrote on his mirror in lipstick: "Thanks for the Champagne!". Then I left.
It turned out he was actually a lawyer.
The liar!

I like being naked.
People think I am bad.
Musicians have written songs about wanting sex without a condom.
it just feels more real.
I have been tested, and so has flyboy. we are clean. no need to worry about that afternoon in the meadow. No need to worry about the quicky in the shower with Sportscar boy, before.

So I am walking along in the sunshine trying to reduce the size of my butt and checking out the fit talent on bikes and rollerblades, when I bump into an old mate.
He is my friend's ex, and my ex's friend, so I shall call him the xfriend.

So me and Xfriend hug and express our surprise at bumping into eachother, sit down on a bench to catch up and, boy, he is so attractive...
When he was still dating my friend (well they had kind of split up by then and he'd given her chlamydia) we had this sorta-threesome.
I mean we put chocolate spread on her tummy and licked it off, and then we all snogged... It got quite intense, but was also fairly innocent and friend-like at the same time.
Also I didn't want to catch chlamydia, so I left them to it.

Anyway, as it turns our Xfriend is also coming to the party on Saturday (of course! I only hope the Bastard won't show up), and dating several people at the same time.
He's only known 2 of them for 2 weeks so I dunno how that counts.

shit, I cannot type half drink...
drunk...

sO i TOLD HIM ABOUT fucking caps - the "millionaire masseur" I got off with last time, and he tells me about the time he shagged a post-op transsexual (BEST SEX EVER unquote), who also used to date a famous rugby player before who never suspected a thing -LaughMyAssOff!D
Apparently nobody had ever suspected before that s/he used to be a guy, but Xfriend is just very good with body language but it just proves (again) that men are the better women and women are just trash...
Or maybe that men are all borderline bi-curious like women, anyway. There is nothing like a blow-job from someone who knows what it's like to have a dick or something.

whatever.

I realised (again) how much Xfriend used to love my friend before she dumped him for her manager at work (who then dumped her on New Year's eve despite not wearing any knickers- her, not him) for being so useless at calling her...

Also we didn't talk about the Bastard, but I feel now that I wouldn't break out into tears every time I talk about him (thank you, NHS thearapist!) but instead of another mutual friend who is now in a glamourous location abroad after spending 10 years on the dole but pretending to be a producer (maybe an act of forced labour by Tony Blair!?).

Also I realised I fancy him.
Last time we met he was v v drunk, and coked-up I think, the Bastard was at the same party so I flirted with him like mad, we said we'd get married (yeah right) but he was semi-stalking a helicopter pilot before losing his phone and his memory of the previous 24 hours...
Anyway now the transsexual is out of the picture he is dating a stewardess (ooh yes, the HIGH of flying, attraction of air-heads or highlights or whatever... well I can talk...),
a page3 model (she was at the corset party last week apparently, well the world is small) and some other chick.
But he asked for my friend's phone number. I wish them luck, her supposed boyfriend has wasted her time for years. She really wants a baby, he prefers his guitar and doesn't like to have sex for, like the last 6 months. I think he is gay, well at least his friends say he is. Who knows...

So anyway, I might get him to snog my friend who just dumped her bf on her birthday or just snog him myself, if the page 3 girl isn't there and the Bastard is watching.

Then again I now see (thanks to the help of my therapist) that would be immature, and useless. Unless I am v horny or v drunk.

I miss Dolphinboy. And Flyboy. Maybe I'll just tell them about eachother, so they aren't pressurized and also I'll have emotionally meaningful and sexually fulfilling relationships with 2 guys and they can have all the time in the world to study when I'm busy with the other guy.
If I had a kid I'd know whose it was cos one is dark with blue eyes, one is blonde with green eyes and we would be ok cos one is poor, one has money.
And if I'm bored, I can go flying with the one, or sailing with the other.
And if I want to go off on my own they can both look after the kid(s).

No, actually I am still alive, but only barely as I nearly did myself in cleaning that grimy bathtub of Samantha's. I bet she hasn't scrubbed it since she moved in, that's what it looked like anyway. (Caution racist comment Urgh those English!
I had to use a metal scourer and my hands now look like granny-hands. But it was worth it, I am now nice and clean and tipsy from some wine Dolphinboy left in the fridge.

Sportscar boy doesn't know what he's missing. He just blew me out for the 2nd Thursday in a row.
well, i'd left my mobile at home and had to call him from my friend's house after getting his number off the internet, and told him how tired I was...
That doesn't mean much, i can still go out and enjoy myself but i was looking forward to a little quiet time on my own first, especially after i fell asleep on the bus.
Did I menton how early he gets up to go to the gym? He is a man of routine, and i haven't had routine for years. Don't even remember what it tastes like...
Anyhoo, he suggested we postpone for another night.
Well suit yourself sir. All I was gonna do was dump him anyway, or at least not have sex to see what else there was to him, but looks like I will have to leave it till next week. I suspect he also met someone else but doesnt know how to tell me. Ah well, it was never meant to be, then...

My suspicion is- he wants to see me and get laid, but now he knows I am tired...
I want to see him an have a meal and a chat, but he says it's not worth just to meet up for a few hours...
HELLOOO!? Dolphinboy came all the way from SCOTLAND to see me, and Flyboy likes to spend time with me, even if he starts his shift at 5am! So there. It IS just the sex.
I mean if it was good, I might reconsider, but why have the flop if you can have the top!? or sth like that...

Good to know where I stand. And if I really wanted that perfume I would have bought it for myself by now anyway. Still going through 4 other bottles like a snail, i.e. not very fast but smelling nice!

I am a bit teed off though, I mean I bought a lovely corset-style top yesterday I am dying to wear (probably inspired by the corset and upcoming fetish party), but then again maybe I shouldn't give him ideas if I'm not gonna shag him...

So, boys want sex and girls want free food and perfume. Simple as that.
Girls want sex only with people who:
a) are intellectually stimulating
b) they can see a rosy future with
c) can massage well and go down on them for ages
d) make good dads OR
e) get them drunk.

Tragic.

So CB is stroking my knee and thigh, and I am getting hot, especially behind my knee, and he slides his hand into the back of my knee and it feels sooo erotic...
The whole time we just carry on a normal conversation, and then I scratch the inside of his palm slightly with my nails...
But that's it.

Will go to bed now and probably fantasise a bit, about black Mambas and stuff. A nice face and pretty eyes really do it for me, Henry you are a bad boy!

A few texts from DB and Frenchy, but nothing too exciting. Yesterday Dolphinboy wrote he has to sleep in an empty bed, boo hoo. Well it's his own bloody fault for booking a flight instead of slipping between my sheets.

Boogie Nights is on, I remember watching it with the Nice ex before we got together, he was still a virgin then! When I found that out I understood why the film made him a bit edgy at the time. These people are all trying to be all 70's, and hippy, and open to free love and all and then emotions and jealousy get in the way.
Tragic.

He didn't have much else interesting to say, apart from he was going surfing in France on the weekend (forgot which one now), but I'll probably hear from him again. Not holding my breath though, although I would like to feel his hands on my naked back... And elsewhere, maybe...

I continued to stroke myself to orgasm, thinking of Dolphinboy. It's so frustrating and such a turn-on to really want somebody and having been so close... I can't wait until we can do it properly!
He text me today, he found a place to live in Devon where he'll be studying (not London after all... ), and if he hadn't been able to get a flight back up North he would have come to see me again today. I mean nothing was promised, and he must have got a flight because he didn't call again and I am a bit sad...
It was so lovely to sleep next to him and wake up to his smile, and those incredible eyes.
Despite being a smoker, he doesn't snore, and his skin is sooo soft!

It infuriates me I didn't even get to see his dick...
He said it would be wonderful making love to me- no shit!

In his text he promised to top the last performance, maybe he means more than one orgasm for me...

Just got another text from Frenchy, he said his friend just wanted to be friends with my friend, not more (well whatever) so I replied saying his friend was nice but he was nicer. Wonder if he will ask me out again now, and what I will say if he does... And what we'll do if I go!

Trouble is, I have now found 2 guys I actually really like but both are away... So even if I go and amuse myself elsewhere, it's like there is something missing.

So much for staying emotionally detached...

----------------------

There is a party coming up, which I am looking forward to as the people will be fun and a lot of my friends are coming. But also the Bastard may turn up. I was hoping to drag Sportscar boy along for some show-off snogging and because he is fitter, taller and more handsome than the Bastard so even if he doesn't turn up himself, word will get back to him.
Then again that's quite immature, I should just not care what he's thinking and I would be using Sportscar boy a little bit. I was just hoping maybe he'll see us snog and leave in the flash car together, and be jealous...
Anyway, Sporty is away at another function that night (yawn) so I'll have to brave it on my own. Unless Canadaboy wants to tag along, but he can be a bit soppy and looks geeky if he wears glasses.
Yep, I am a superficial bitch!

Saying that, last time the party was very interesting. First I got off with an American pop star (bought his CD on ebay after, how sad) who kept trying to push me into dark corners to "make out", then he had to leave to catch his plane back to NY in the morning.
It then got quite interesting with a bloke I'd talked to earlier, who was wearing an outrageous jacket and a tan to rival Beyonce, claiming he was a millionaire from Dubai (yeah right!). He had an ex-prostitute girlfriend who was away, but they were both quite into swinging. So we got a bit dirty under some tree, next to another couple who looked like they had died (they hadn't, thank God) and then went back to his posh pad "for a massage".
Unfortunately he may have been a millionaire, but not a trained massage therapist as he had also claimed- because apart from getting baby oil everywhere it wasn't that exciting or therapeutic.
We ended up just masturbating, but whilst I came within 2 minutes or so (well I am the expert at making myself come), he took ages and had a very unusual technique.
His right hand was wanking his dick, whilst his left forefinger sort of pressed down at the top behind his bell-end.
I think he came on my tits, and after I washed myself down I wanted to go but he got all cuddly and asked me to stay. No way, the sun was coming up and there was no curtain on the window, and I can't sleep in the light... Besides, this was a bit much intimacy from a guy who was dating an ex-prossie and had a kid with some random lesbian woman in the States... I mean apart from that I barely knew him. He gave me some money for a cab and I left with a cheeky grin.

---------------------

We got some drinks and got down for some dancing; he wasn't bad, only that I felt slightly tall in my strappy heels. I'd told my friend on the tube that I wasn't sure about kissing him again, as I hardly remembered him and that she should make sure I came home with her as I had no intention of sleeping with him. But then when I saw him, and he smelt so nice I was really tempted to kiss him and I didn't have to wait long. He kissed me by the bar first, in a sensuous, tender and seductive way, sucking and biting my lips with his soft mouth, whilst holding me tightly towards him...
On the dance floor the kissing continued while we were dancing, and then a big "cake" was rolled on. I knew immediately that it contained a woman- she came out to some serious show-music, and started stripping seductively. Frenchy was holding me from behind, and he kissed and massaged my neck and shoulders. He has amazing hands, and had it not been for my iron resolve, I would have followed him home just so I could lie naked on my front whilst he would stoke and massage me...
The stripper seemed to really enjoy her performance, even though I could hardly see a thing from behind all the heads in front of me. She was beaming and winking at the crowd, took her gloves off, then the corset to reveal some silver nipple tassles...
I got quite turned on from the hot, sweaty atmosphere, Frenchy's touch, the sensual performance...
When our feet started killing us around 2am, my friend and I decided to go home. Frenchy invited us back (apparently he lives alone in a posh house), but we were tired and I was trying to resist more fun on the first night, so he flagged us down a cab instead.
I don't have the faintest idea if I will see him again, he gave no indication of his intentions beyond inviting me back, only the usual BS about "come to Paris" etc. I'll believe it when I sit on Eurostar! LOL!

Also I am not sure if I'd want to; as I said before it's my mission to try and make all the idiots and bullshitters evaporate so at the end I'll boil it down to my perfect guy, and there is a serious new contender on the scene.
I mean I knew I liked him from the first moment I layed eyes on him, but after spending 23 entire hours in Dolphinboy's company, I am hooked.:D
Yesterday I made him lunch and then we went for a long walk in the park and by the canal, talking and laughing. Later we hooked up with Canadaboy and his Brazilian friend at the pub (did I mention Dolphinboy speaks fluent Portugese?) for a drink. He recommended a restaurant and we had a lovely dinner with more wine, and more serious and funny conversation, covering everything from religion to our parents and grandparent's relationships, to our experiences of travelling in Thailand.
Still we hadn't even kissed!
I mean I knew he was attracted to me because I'd asked him before whether he'd wanted to kiss me after our last date, but sometimes it's a bit frustrating if he's too much of a gent...

We then went on to a club, as I was hoping to get him on the dancefloor to check out his moves and confidence, but it was fairly quiet when we got there. Did I mention he smokes? This has got to be his most unpleasant trait, but if I'm honest it didn't even bother me that much (I tolereted it pretty well with the Bastard), and he is trying to give up (aren't they always...).
So after a glass of bubbly for me, some beer and a couple of smokes for him we started dancing and it got busy at the club soon after. He really is a great mover and we had a fantastic time!
Things got more touchy-feely and eventually he kissed me. It was fantastic, to finally feel his lips on mine. He was behind me in a dance move, holding my wrists and I tilted my head back...Wonderful!

I took him back to the flat. He went outside for a smoke and in a mad desire for adventure I climbed up one floor on the scaffolding outside. He followed me and we stood there, overlooking the flats opposite and kissing. The ground was wet from the rain which felt lovely to my bare feet.

He wanted to know exactly how to pleasure me, and told me how nice I tasted and this puts him leagues ahead of Sportscar boy. He also made me French toast in the morning and did all the washing-up.

Ironically I have never had a black boyfriend. I snogged a guy once I did an evening class with and he had the nicest suckable lips. Saying that, I also dated a white guy with big soft lips...

I have a white friend who mostly goes for black guys (or they for her), and a black friend who hates the idea of dating a black man.
I have just never got to know a black guy well enough to fall in love with him and keep seeing him.