...in secret!

On Wednesday, March 1st, 2006, in Annapolis at a hearing on the proposed Constitutional Amendment to prohibit gay marriage, Jamie Raskin, professor of law at American University, was requested to testify.

At the end of his testimony, Republican Senator Nancy Jacobs said: "Mr. Raskin, my Bible says marriage is only between a man and a woman. What do you have to say about that?"

Raskin replied: "Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible."

The room erupted into applause.

From: http://rjr10036.typepad.com/proceed_at_your_own_risk/

I was supposed to meet Dance boy last night but things turned out differently.
Basically Dope boy only had one night left to finish up our project and I had to rush round to his. I called Dance boy to cancel and he rang me back when Dope and I had dinner.
Which is funny, because Dope and I have never really had a "date" or dinner together. So it was nice. But he eats like a noisy pig, which is endearing somehow and also I don't have to watch my manners as much as I would with Cashmere.

At Dope boy's flat I told him about my phone sex session with Chubby, he didn't really react but then again he was busy on the computer an men can only really concentrate on one thing at a time...
We got to the end of the work and shared the last beer from his fridge, also I hugged him and gave him a shoulder massage to show my appreciation for his help, so when I went to put my coat on to leave I sort of knew what was coming.

Imagine my disappointment however when he DIDN'T go down on me, at all!!!
Just some quick hugs and squeezes, he kissed me, didn't taste that nice, I sort of tried to stop him again (why oh why can't I just SAY NO and mean it!? And LEAVE!?), I knew I would miss my last tube and there was a storm outside...
Next thing I know I am on my back on his bed, he turns around to put a condom on, enters me whilst standing in front of me, a plastic bag got dangerously and irritatingly close to my head, we bang and moan a bit. No dirty talk this time, maybe he wasn't drunk enough.
No "give me your cum" etc... Which is an odd thing for a man to say to a woman anyway...
His eyes trained on my bare pussy, was he missing his ex fiancee? She actually rang him later whilst he walked me to the night bus.
I never realised he came, I stopped him briefly and asked him to lick me, again the stupid excuse that I'd taste of the condom, give me a break, aren't there worse things a woman could taste of!?
How rude. "Pre-condom post shower". No wonder she left him!
My own fault really, what on earth made me think he'd spend half an hour eating me out after I shaved my bush, ah, I know, maybe because he'd PROMISED to last time. "If you were shaved..." Oh yeah, the liar!

Anyway this was surely the last time. I rolled over onto my tummy and he did me doggy style for a bit, then he sort of collapsed on top of me and I thought "how funny, we are both getting bored" but I guess he must have come cos I saw him walking into the bathroom with the condom half hanging off and it definitely looked like there was something inside it...
Odd. Maybe he faked it.
He came back out, zipping up his flies and I am thinking, alright, so we are finished then... great, maybe I can still get the tube...

I jumped back into my clothes whilst he turns the light back on, we are back to mates, the mafia programme on TV continues undisturbed...

I mean I do like him, but the sex thing is just weird when I am not really into it. We are friends. He calls me "man".
I can't stop him fucking me. It felt good. I miss Cashmere, he just emailed me the 2nd time since he left.

I got the bus whilst he went to the off license to get more beer. I called him to say goodbye and he told me he'd call me from his trip. Whatever...

Last night I went out to the cinema with some friends, and we ended up back at my flatmate's sometime shag buddy's house together with another girl he has had an affair with. She is still in love with him and doesn't know about my flatmate.
I honestly don't see his appeal!
He is like a kinky pervert in the closet.
All correct and English, but with a saucy edge. He kept pressing me for details of my sex life and we ended up discussing the problem of the 56mm condom (too small for some), versus the (dis)advantages of the Femidom (like when the Pilot shoved the whole thing up inside me due to lack of lubrication...).

Ah well, then we had venison and duck eggs and some green Thai soup. I love it when a man cooks for me!

Also we had lots and lots of wine, which losened our tongues considerably.

Ex-Affair girl told me about this guy who is married, he has about 4 women on the go who all think they are engaged to him and the crunch came around Christmas time when he had to invent a dying gandfather to cover for his absences with each of the women... Why bother?
The guy is obviously bored in his job. He seems outrageously blatant, a real pathological liar who has to make up worse and worse lies to cover the small ones he started off with.

The others suggested I set him up.
Would that be wise?
I found him independently on the web and could easily try and snare him into going out with me, but what would be the point? Research for my "book"?

It was all very nice and I appreciated FMSB's (flatmate shag buddy's) hospitality, but the flat was a STATE. Not untidy, no, just crumbling around our ears. Apparently he fancies himself as a bit of a property developer, but the place looked like he was squatting there. He has been there for 8 years! I was shocked.
The bathroom is this tiny alcove on the landing, without a proper wall- just some wood covering the front with a door in it which isn't sure whether it opens to the inside or to the outside of the "bathroom".
You go to the loo and everyone in the dining room can hear you pee.
There is light shining up from the kitchen through the cracks in the stairs... The ceiling above his bed looks like it could fall in if you cough at night. Awful! He must be good in bed, or why would any girl chose to spend the night!? Apparently he's a bit of a catch, but his flat cries out for so much female attention, he'd need a whole harem to fix it.

Maybe he puts females under some sort of spell because Ex Affair chose to stay over whilst FMSB walked us home. She only lives around the corner and Flatmate was livid she'd not been asked to stay. I don't think he had much choice in the matter, she just went and laid down in his bed...

Whilst we were still there, Chubby rang me. It was 2am.
I'd text him in my drunken stupor, asking him if he still talked to me?
We chatted and flirted, and he made me promise to ring him as soon as I got home, which I did after a much-needed heart to heart with Flatmate.

I put one of my favourite raunchy films on. "Drity Dancing", the stuff of my teenage fantasies. Hey if it could get me going 16 years ago... ;-)
Also to cover any possible noises, I didn't know if he'd make me use my vibrator again.
We got down to it pretty swiftly, I mean I was on my mobile and it was late. Both of us naked in bed (actually I had socks on, nothing worse than cold feet), he took me on a fantasy ride within a minute of me calling him.
I am twiddling with my clit and waiting to hear what he has in store for me.
He tells me to imagine I am in a restaurant with him, and he pushes my skirt up under the table and inserts a finger into my pussy. I tell him I shaved it. I can hear him breathe, and he describes how I am struggling slightly because I'm embarrassed, he keeps fingering me as I order from the "beautiful waitress". Anyone ever been jealous of a fictional sex fantasy waitress??? It is weird!

So next he goes, "I whisper to you to wait for me in the ladies, then you walk off and I watch your beautiful ass..."
We basically spin out the rest of the fantasy together. He comes and joins me in a cubicle, where I unbutton his flies. I describe how hard he is inside his trousers, he is wearing a suit and I am in a skirt with silk panties, which he pushes up over my ass as I bend over the toilet. There is a woman weeing in the next cubicle, so I push my fingers inside his mouth to stop him gasping whilst I swirl my tongue around his erection, then we hear the woman wash and he just bends me roughly over the toilet.
All the while I am playing with myself and getting really wet, he describes how he'd finger my clit whilst entering me suddenly, I gasp because it hurts at first, and he starts fucking me fully aware that there is still this woman in the toilets somewhere. I try to be quiet but I bet she can hear him slapping into my backside. I reach back to play with his testicles...
Then he says he is wetting his finger and pushing it slowly into my arsehole, I am getting excited and really turned on. He says he wants to fuck me up the arse. He describes how he pushes another finger into my bottom, then he pulls out his penis, enters my pussy with his fingers and pushes his dick into my anus, slowly at first but then he just keeps me bent over and fucks me and fucks me up the ass...
I think I come at that point. Actually, no, he asks me to tell him to come in my face. So I go: "I push you into my mouth, come in my face, come in my face, on my cheek, my eyebrows...". And he explodes all over Scotland.
I am next, I can't hold it in anymore. I describe how I squirt a little.
We breathe heavily and laugh, and I can tell he is covered in cum, all the way up in Edinburgh. LOL!
My pussy is dripping. I told him I shaved it.
We wrap up the conversation swiftly.
29mins 47 secs.

I go to sleep.
:D

become my friend!
;-)

I finally rolled in just before 7am this morning.
Managed to catch the first tube!

I'd gone to a friend's birthday (he of: "mmm, yeah, oooh, aah, Sienna, mmmh ahh, you are soo hot..." at my own birthday) with Dope boy and 2 sisters.
However my friend (one of the sisters) was so stingy she didn't want to pay more than a pound towards a £5 bottle of wine and some chocolates I was getting for my friend. Her argument was that she didn't know him! Hello? I mean you are going to a party for free, paying for 1/3 of a bottle of wine and don't want to chip in on some 70p chocolates?
The shop guy was really sweet and it turned out she DID have £1.28, thank goodness. I was a bit miffed though because there were 3 of us and her sister paid most of it.

Anyway, at the party I danced a bit, talked to everyone and Dope boy, we ended up snogging and dancing, I told him I'd shaved my pussy (bad idea) and he proceeded to tell this to a short-ish Gumball-Rally-driving polo player who I shall call Polo boy.
He is only 24 and into dirty sex (apparently). Whatever he means by that!
We kissed and I let him feel me up a little bit, he slid his hand up my skirt as I was sitting at the bar, then he asked me to go somewhere to "talk". I knew what he was after and smiled mysteriously, we went downstairs to the bedroom which had been vacated by the other 2 snogging couples, he wasn't wearing underpants and grabbed my hair, kissed me hard and pushed me down onto the coats on the bed. It was nice and sexy and I even liked his smoky breath and taste (reminded me of the hot sex with the Bastard, shame on me!). However I stopped it all before it went below the belt.
He put his hand into the top of my dress to fondle my breast, but then I kissed him one last time and walked out the room.
Always leave them wanting more!

He wanted to take me home to Hertfordhire to show off his TVR (or whatever he is driving these days after busting the gear box). Dope boy wanted to take me home so he could lick my pussy (I told him I had my period but it didn't put him off). Then Dope passed out on the floor in the landing, someone draped a blanket over him but he had disappeared when I got back down later.
I had an interesting conversation with my host's 23-year old companion (a very sweet girl whose sister disapperard with one of the other guests )-he'd turned 39- and another guy who was divorced. I told him I was polyamorous and explained what it meant. He was intrigued but a bit shocked, asked if I was a romantic and I said yes, of course, a cynical one.
Ah, now I remember, at some point I ran around spanking people with a long bamboo plant cane, they all seemed to like it, that's public school boys for you again!D
I even spanked a 60-something big player in the creative industry...

So anyway tonight is Polo boy's flatmate's birthday and I am going. With the mission to drag along more girls. Hum, I asked Canada and Dope boy, they are coming, girls, I dunno yet. Females are so fucking hard to pin down!

Went to look at leather sofas with Dance boy yesterday. As you do, especially if you have never even been to someone's flat before!

The sales people kept looking at me expectantly (I know a little bit about selling upholstery myself), asking me random questions like how wide "our" door way is...

So it was quite fun, but then I got bored and we went to drink some wine instead, from another stand where the sales person was trying to get us to order a case of 12 bottles for around 200 quid, um, maybe not...

I knew which sofa I liked best (good deal, good quality and lovely sales guy) but since I am unlikely to live with it (then again you never know) it ain't really up to me... Still, why ask my advice if you are going to ignore it?
----------

My therapist told me Cashmere was unreliable and I deserved better, so what if I am better with money than he is, I should look for someone who is good for ME, not the other way around.
So true.
I was so disappointed he'd not been in touch for a week (nearly) that I almost considered sleeping with Dope boy again, but then I just had a short but sweet email from him which made me go: "aaahh!" with bliss.
I can just imagine what Dope would say though: "so you shaved your entire muff, how about bleaching your arsehole"- or something. LOL!
The more painful and further removed from its naturally intended state, the better... Then again he IS American... (all this from someone who gave me acute stubble rash all over my face...)

Actually, how is this for an unsavoury conversation after intercourse: last time he told me why he shaved his ass. He said it goes all sweaty at first, but he prefers that to little shit berrys forming in the hair, I mean urrrggghhh-blurrgh!
Talk about killing the moment!
Not that I am not a real Miss Potty Mouth, and I HAVE had similarly disgusting conversations with male mates before, but not whilst staring at his sweaty chest after he shagged me!

--------------

Just someone tell me where this whole shaving thing ends.

My parents actually had a book called "Joy of sex" which says you shouldn't shave your pits because the hair traps pheromones, your lover can bury his nose in it and get super turned on.
That was in the seventies. Different story in the Noughties of course:
Give 'em an inch of hair, they take it all!

First I was pround of my little fluff under my arms, I was finally maturing- a year after everyone else. Then of course everyone started shaving it, next it was legs and now you can't move for Brazilians.
These days I wax my moustache,
pluck my eyebrows daily,
shave my legs up to my knees (in LA I shaved all the way up, what a nightmare!),
do my bikini line, trim my pubes (well now they are all gone actually, more maintenance...)
People do their nails, hair, get boob jobs and lipo, botox and genital piercings, where will it end?

I think we will all just wind up lying in a mould of wax once a week, get it all ripped off, then turn into totally smooth and scent-less androgynous anorexic porn addicts rolling around in scented massage oil on rubber sheets, totally clinical!

...we went to a comedy night, more by accident really because we actually wanted to talk, not listen. We got told off for chatting, too- how RUDE of us!

After the comedy finished (some of it was funny actually and I remembered the compere from Edinburgh), we got physically very cozy on the comfy leather sofa, and Dance boy kissed me so passionately my head disappeared in the upholstery. VERY passionate!
His slim, strong body on top of me, those gorgeous eyes, strong hands stroking mine, his stubbly, probing kisses...
Of course I wasn't going to take him home, but he seemed to anticipate it. At one point as we were getting up I clasped on to the metal beam above my head and wrapped my legs around his waist- he seemed to like it!

He also dresses really well and he smelt nice, midnight approached and he didn't want it to end, as I stood on the gallery where we sat he looked up at me from the bar and asked me: "Juliet, would you like another drink?" like in the balcony scene- LOL!
I like a man with a sense of Shakespeare.

He walked(cycled) me to my door and we kissed a bit more, and a bit more passionately but then I said goodnight on account of my headache and work (and my period, but a man doesn't need to know everything ).
He seemed a bit disappointed but hey, that's tough!
I can do with a guy with some patience in my life.

Also in a stupid shaving frenzy I removed every last hair from my poor muff, and I really don't like it. SOME pussy hair is more slimming! Really, I look fat. Maybe it's my chocolate/PMT belly, but honestly I think a little dark stripe down below keeps things more streamlined. Who would have guessed that? Should that be a new Cosmo feature? How to trim your pubes according to your body shape- good idea or what!?

- condoms, various brands and flavours.
- about 7 months supply of the pill
- thrush cream
- a book with all the names of guys I slept with
- nail scissors
- dental floss
- Fluoxetine (Prozac)
- Diamond ring in box
- needle and thread
- Kinder Surprise toys

I HATE feeling this dependent.
I mean, why am I pissed off at Cashmere?
I know, because I gave him a business contact abroad, now she emailed me and told me he came by, no word from him though apart from a quick "thanks" and "I am out in NYC with some queens..." a good frew days ago!
Expectations fuck you up.
urgh.

Ah yes, that sex scene on the piano... The shopping... the "seducing a man who is trying to work/watch tv"... the posh hotels... the OPERA...champagne and strawberries... Polo... hats... I LUUURVE it!
But sooooo unrealistic!!!!!

By the way I am really suffering. I have a bloated tummy, feel tired, crave chocolate, fell asleep on the tube, very emotional... Yes, I got my period.

Ok, how dumb am I?
Here I was all ready to jump for joy at a little blue line (note: not the absence of one), despite the guy having buggered off halfway round the globe, him being someone I have barely known 2 months and also he needs some serious "post-public-school emotional therapy"...

Then again, I knew I'd be ok. We are talking about a guy here who gets himself 10k overdrawn because he knows he'll be able to pay it back within 6 months, plus the odd 40k on top of that.
Also his dad likes me, his step mum works for a major luxury department store (she'd sure get a discount on designer maternity wedding dresses...) and so on... He would be lovely with kids. And they would look like little angels... I even like his crazy "babyname"...

Ah well -but like he said, he wants to marry a woman who's in the top 10% of her carreer, so I still have some way to go as I don't think his carreer list involves motherhood!

Not a good start anyway, making a guy think you have tricked him into being a dad.

DUMB REASONS why my exes never got me pregnant:
-"you are fit for children" (I was 19, I got the morning after pill. Twice!)
-"let me come on your back/tummy/tits/face..."
-"You will never find a 23-year-old guy who will marry you and wants to have kids"
-"not until I'm a millionaire, public school costs 12k a term!"
-"I am not ready yet" (he was 38)
-"If you are pregnant we are fucked" (waiting for the test. I'd told him I forgot the pill and he still didn't use a condom - he was the one to have paid for 2 previous abortions with exes...)
-"I can't believe she got a degree in chemistry and then she got pregnant, she is wasting her education" (about a married friend with a very sweet baby and No2 on the way)
-"Babies are noisy, smelly and expensive" (yes, the Bastard again. Who thought nothing of spending 100 quid on champagne and charlie, snored like a chain saw and only brushed his teeth when prompted!)
-"I am about to spend 3 years and 50k on becoming a commercial pilot"
-"I have herpes"

Ah well, no loss there then.

A funny/sad story about the Morning After Pill:
Nice Ex and I were worried, so he literally marched me to a Sunday pharmacy and hung around the pregnancy tests like a lost puppy. I walked up to the counter, sulking, and asked for "Levonelle"- like they tell you to, in the adverts to avoid embarrassment.
The guy behind the counter looks at me.
"What?"
I repeated myself and he came back with some haemmorrhoid cream I think, only not the pill I was requesting.
I said it again: "Levonelle?"
He stared blankly. He was obviously not the pharmacist, just some clerk.
I said: "the morning after pill?" to the amusement of the queue that had been forming. Nice Ex is hiding behind the baby food, looking worried.
The pharmacist is called over and drags me behind the counter and quizzes me: last mensturation, when did we do it, that sort of crap.
He finally goes to get it, plonks it in the middle of the counter and Nice ex scuttles forward, clenching a pregnancy test like he is selling crack, and pays, dropping small change everywhere.
I think I didn't speak to him the rest of the day...

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Peanut butter, chocolate spread and banana sandwich
2. yogurt (NO PEACH OR RASPBERRY) or chocolate mousse
3. nuts
4. strawberries
5. Kinder surprise!

Five things you like doing:
1. Sleeping next to someone I love.
2. Scuba diving
3. Movies!
4. Anything on the beach
5. Dancing all night.

Five favourite toys:
1. Barbie
2. Cranium
3. Skin
4. My vibrating rubber duck
5. my laptop

Thanks Bella!

Funny how I've never felt so comfortable confessing some truly dirty things to anyone.
And vice versa.
I actually told Cashmere about Chubby covering me in spunk and telling me how hot I looked with it dripping off me, how Samantha and I had the semi-foursome with those "male models" (white and black) in that club's secret sex room, and I also let slip a few other things he seemed to like the sound of. Oh yeah, how that student fucked me on the LA roof.
All that after I blew him with my finger up his ass and before we attempted rear entry on me again...

I'm so glad I met him!

ok, the other week I discovered:

- movie trailers in cash machines
- annoying talking bus stop adverts (try listening to that stoopid 118-118 ad for half an hour whilst waiting for the darn night bus!)
- that a Blackberry is more useful as a computer than as a mobile phone
- that my phone has a higher resolution camera than my digital camera and can stash more music tracks than my CD player.

What's next? Iris scan job centres and airport check-in?

Minority Report- here we come, warp speed ahead!

Argh, this one is one for the girls:

What are early symptoms of pregnancy?
A forgotten pill after a general anaesthetic?
A more emotional response when he comes?
A more satisfied feeling after orgasm?
Sore boobs?
Tight bras?
A little bleed?
The inability to locate that darn ovulation test?
A guy who looks at you and says he's not ready for kids yet (without provocation), and then buggers off to Costa Rica?
A sudden increase in mathematical ability to figure out a December date?
The inability to get to the pharmacy on my street?
A reluctance to take potentially harmful medication?
A sudden urge to pilfer my flatmate's Folic acid and Omega 3 supply!?!
A rising sickness in my stomach when I imagine Cashmere's shocked face?
The panicked thoughts of whether I should try to pass "it" off as Dance boy's, and related calculations of when I'd have to sleep with him by at the latest?

OOOh the ball was FANTASTIC!!!

I loved it, but hated the fact both me and Dance boy were incapacitated.
It was a great date, he was great company and we had a lot more in common than I remembered.
:D

How odd that my heart (and ***) hasn't had time to cool down from Cashmere, yet I am having a fab time with boy number 4 this week! I am amazed at myself.

Still I guess that's what he would have wanted; only Camden went a bit quiet on me after I told him I was off to the ball with the guy he saw me dancing with the other week. At least I'm not lying to him.

I was waiting for Dance boy at a busy tube station platform, when I spotted a guy further down the platform who really DIDN't tickly my fancy. He missed a few trains and was also obviously waiting for someone, yet he wasn't in a tux and looked extremely nerdy. I thought: "shit, what if he's really ugly!?" after all someone can really change in the light of day when you are sober...

I moseyed on down to check him out up close, and he was at least 45! LOL, I think I need stronger contact lenses!

He turned up, a bit late, and I recognised him immediately. He is incredibly handsome and I thought I was very lucky! He has the fair colouring and mysterious eyes of the Pilot, curly hair and posh accent like Cashmere, he is slim like Gucci boy, tall like Porsche boy and he cn dance, well, like only Dance boy can.

He seemed shyer than I remembered him, but maybe that was partly to do with the fact we don't know each other and hadn't talked that much on the dance floor - also we had been a bit drunk, at least I was...

On the other hand he really kept looking deeply into my eyes without distraction, which I took as a lovely compliment.

We got to the ball and I liked the atmosphere immediately, the food was average, the cloakroom service comatose, but the wine was nice and we slurped most of it whilst watching the others strut their glam stuff on the dance floor to the tone-deaf band leader's tunes.

We danced a few slow Rhumbas and were entranced by the two demonstration couple's excellent performances, it was incredible. Like "Strictly Ballroom" and "Dirty Dancing" rolled into one!

I was so overwhelmed by the whole thing, the wine, his eyes and how well we got on that I gave him a spontaneous kiss on the cheek at the dinner table, later he kept putting his arm around me, holding my hand, and we finally kissed as we were dancing.

He was limping even worse than me, but the dancing went well, considering the circumstances of our health! I actually thought he was going to get himself run over hopping for a taxi outside the tube station! Across a busy road on one leg, I ask you!

He is 31, born on the identical date of the month to myself and the star sign I have been searching for my entire life. I am usually attracted to guys with this star sign but there have always been external circumstances which have kept us apart, so in this case I am prepared to believe in faith and numerology. Who knows, time will tell!
There is definitely chemistry, we make the dancefloor steam, seem to be on the same wavelength intellectually and also discussed sex a little bit, which makes me confident he is fairly open-minded. Well, it sort of came up after the very raunchy dance demonstrations, especially by the scantily clad Latin couple who were orange with fake tan but VERY sensual.

He also speaks about 5 languages fluently, including my own 3!

His profession is very close to my heart, 3 members of my family do the same job and he also has outside interests which merge with my own line of business. WOW!

He is REALLY into his dancing, he used to compete until about a year ago and showed me some clips from competitions he had saved on his phone. This reminded me a bit of the Salsa-Swede ("ride me baby") in its borderline-nerdyness, but I gotta say the boy can MOVE!
I told him I hoped I wasn't cramping his style, but I knew on the other hand I was a better dancer than about 30% of people in that room, so I was ok although my years of dancing to that standard are now a while back when I was still at school.

I asked his surname and he wouldn't tell me. Was it so I couldn't google him? Was it boring/pretentious/embarrassing?

I found out later that night when I rang his mobile, it announces his name on voice mail!

In the taxi I actually asked one of his friends what his surname was, so I could "track him down if I were pregnant and abandoned", which made them burst out in embarrassed laughter- I suddenly remembered a conversaion I had overheard between them in the cloakroom queue earlier: the friend must have had a recent pregnancy scare (they were trying to be cryptic but I am a bit psychic/psycho after all)- argh how embarrassing, I put my foot right in but hey it seemed funny when I was drunk!
The friend wouldn't tell me. Boys!

Cashmere was my number 30.

Is that a lot?
I think it is, so I would
a) like him to be my last
b) stop counting and just enjoy.

I have had:
12 one-night-stands (some may turn into a-few-more-night-stands, I mean there is never too much of a good thing and they don't add to my total number, see Dope boy - depending how other things develop),
a LOT of snogs (about 4 with gay boys, and 1 with a girl),
4 occasions (or 3?) of taking the morning-after pill (earliest at 16, 2 years before losing my virginity, go figure!)-been sick every time.
5 boyfriends I told "I love you" (and they loved me too apart from one, who just said: "I love you in my own way" and then proceeded to talk to the cat whilst I cried. I was 22 and dumped him soon after).
a married man (sham marriage to an Eastern European, but still)
a Swede, a Spaniard, a Menorcan, 4 Americans, 2 Austrians, 3 Australians, 2 Scots, an Irish, a footballer, a semi-famous movie actor (blow job), a guy who later got HIV (yes the wonders of timing), and a guy who got in the papers after breaking his engagement to someone else (4 years later)
countless crushes on guys who didn't reciprocate them
3 proposals of marriage (only one was serious, one meant it so I could stay in LA but he was still married, and the Bastard also kept bandying it about without any follow-through; preferably when he was drunk or inside me)
0 engagement rings
a silver wedding ring
1 diamond ring (year's anniversary gift)
2 pregnancy scares
5 pregnancy tests
1 guy who was shorter than me
a threesome with 2 guys
three boyfriends I took home for Xmas
a sort-of foursome with my friend and the 2 "male models"
an orgasm with a woman (teenage play acting scenario)
about 3 "just foot massages"
a very mysterious entry on my mobile: "suck my dick" without a phone number!

I used to write down my DATES or crushes without kisses. Then just kisses (even if I forgot their names or it was dark- guy in club X and so on). Now I concentrate on affairs that somehow involved genitals.

The biggest age gaps: 16 years older (when I was 21/22) and 6 years younger (last year).

I am CRAP at maths by the way, but still these numbers are accurate.

I went over to say goodbye "properly" to my favourite lover last night.

We snuggled up on the sofa first, then went out for a meal which he hated, being used to the old chef, and 5* restaurants- ah well I eat anything!

I actually confronted him why he hadn't sounded more enthusiastic about me coming over, he is a bit non-committal like that. I mean a girl likes to hear "yes, please come over, i would love to see you", otherwise why bother?
He gave me an honest reply which I can deal with, namely that after being shoved off to boarding school aged 8, he has these abandonment issues and hence doesn't attach emotionally (at all?) as a survival mechanism. Fair enough, I felt sorry for him but didn't take it personally as he clearly said he loved my company.

I read him this poem:

You sold your soul
she sold her brain
you went crazy
she stayed sane.
You fucked for love,
she fucks for money-
you got bullshit,
she gets honey.
You lie awake at night
and feel so cheap
she counts her fifties
in her restful sleep.
You save for Prada
she gets hers for free,
you go to RADA
and pretend to be
a hooker or a mum and wife
her stage is her entire life.
Her dress code is her nudity
you cover up and feel unfree.
Her lover comes on time
but yours is late-
yet what would be the point
if he had paid!?
She says her name's Melissa,
you think "WHORE!"
but when he wants to kiss her
it costs more.
She doesn't care
about his honesty
your hostile stare
sets his Munchhausen free.
You want to hear
about his childhood trauma,
she nods "yes, yes"
but she is in a coma.
When he swaps drunken stories
with his friends
at a long night's end
who does he value more-
his prissy little wife at home
or his flamboyant whore?

He liked it, he said it proves I understand a lot about the male psyche. I suppose this skill is necessary thoug if you are trying to land a posh husband who is into porn and anal sex!

We got tired and went to bed after chatting to his flatmate for a bit, and when he spooned me from behind I told him that if we were to try "that" again he'd need to take more time and use more lubricant, it may work next time. It got him instantly horny and he wanted to go right away. I said, no, at Easter!
Then I told him the hilarious story about Samantha's first anal sex experience. She told us she "hadn't noticed that it went into the wrong hole, because she was THAT RELAXED"! LMAO!!!

We laughed about that for a bit, then he said she had a point and proceeded to relax me.
He told me about a friend who'd had anal sex with his wife for the first time but they hadn't talked since, she hadn't asked him to stop but Cashmere suggested that maybe she was just being polite. LOL!
I acted all surprised, quoting Charlotte from SATC, "I thought men don't marry the up-the-butt-girl!?" He told me he didn't agree with that statement Then again, they were already married, so she had nothing to lose!
Some 69'ers later we ended up making love from behind, with his finger up my ass and I liked it for the first time. No pain this morning, wonderful!
He actually asked me if I was still on the pill and that he wasn't ready for kids (well what man ever is?) and I didn't tell him about Monday... I do have a funny feeling I may have been ovulating despite taking it every day since then...
In a way, I don't worry about it too much, either way...
Yes, pretty dumb I know...

Spent the last 10 minutes clicking and clicking, so all my friends will be able to see more of (not all of them yet) my posts which have been hidden due to my inner blonde bimbo sitting on the technical side of my brain with her soft bum. Or maybe the blog.co.uk people just have to make their technology more dummy-friendly?! Or maybe I have to stop tagging my friends, who knows...

So, NOW:

all my friends will be able to read about

-what happened with Rugby boy and his 4-bedroom house
-who BBP is and what he did with me
-how I fell out with my "best friend" Samantha over the Bastard
-when I first had sex this year, and with whom
-whether I think that a date is not a date when the guy doesn't pay
-how I met Cashmere's dad
-HOW I MISSED ALL MY FRIENDS AND THEIR COMMENTS!!!

That's if you can be bothered and don't find it too tedious to sift through my random sex life of the last few months!

congratulate me, congratulate me! I have lived through enough filthy encounters to still be going strong with this blog! Wahey!

I might pretend I am a brunette, but I really am a blonde at heart. How could that happen? There I consider myself to be an oh-so-technically minded, practical and bright girl (whatever some people may say) and yet figuring out how to do these posts so they reach the right people, was utterly beyond me! So I hope now it works, after all I don't just write all this for my own private pleasure or it could stay contained in the pages of my paper diary.
Maybe I have too much sex on the brain, who knows.

I have actually begun reading a lot of filthy literature for "research purposes" as more than one friendly person have suggested I turn my saucy memoirs into a book. Under a pseudonym of course...
So I am currently immersing myself and my recovering body in soft sheets and the likes of "the sexual life of Catherine M", "100 strokes of the brush before bed", and "Insatiable".
Hey if I can turn this into a carreer it would be the most fun any girl has ever had researching her subject!

:D

... well Thursday today actually!

I think I may have figured yout how to do the friends only posts, you have to click TWICE- once on "Friends", then AGAIN on "ALL FRIENDS" below till they are all ticked!
Man am I TÌCKED OFF!!!

Camdenboy came round yesterday, actually before I continue I gotta make sure all my friends can see all my posts!!!

Ok, I am back.

HAPPY 100 POSTS ANNIVERSARY TO ME- wow!!!