Onwards and downwards, here my extremely frustrating experience from Sunday night.

Dance Boy asked to meet up in the evening, he'd been working and I had spent all afternoon working on my tan with my Neighbour, so after we'd soaked up enough sun I met up with Dance for dinner and drinks.

Needless to say, I paid half, or at least close to half because I wasn't carrying much cash.
Nice chat, nice food, but too much talk about Friend B for my liking, he discovered her birthday was on the same day as the girl he used to fancy at school, oh wasn't that strange? |-|

Anyway, we ended up walking back to mine to watch a (birthday present) DVD, he even put his arm around me whilst walking down the road, or I did, can't remember.
Seriously, he is so "verklemmt" it's not even funny.
This basically means, stiff like an unoiled door, stuck, inflexible, self-conscious, awkward.

We got to mine and he went to buy some beer for himself, juice for me, I gave him a fiver because he'd run out of cash.

Watched the film lying on my bed but it was like there was an invisible wall between us, rather frustrating. At one point I took his hand and got no response, so I soon gave up.
He took off his shirt because of the heat, I trailed my nails across his back, both of us lying on our stomachs watching the film, again he didn't reciprocate or make appreciative noises so I became self-conscious about touching him and stopped.

The DVD stopped halfway through and I stayed watching him for a bit. His handsome face, greenish eyes, curly hair and muscular body, half naked in bed next to me.
He said: "go on, turn over the DVD, he just struck oil, I am really into the film now!"- so I did. :crazy:

I was really hoping for some cuddles, but they weren't forthcoming and I began to feel really rejected.
At one point he turned around so his hands were near my feet, and I wriggled my toes hoping for a foot massage, still, nada...

The film finished and he started going on about his mobile battery running flat, I told him: "Don't worry, you can charge it when you get home, can't you?", making it obvious he wasn't invited to stay.
This hasn't bothered him in the past, he stayed over twice before without me encouraging him, and another time he left when I told him he could only stay if we "did stuff".

Anyway, he seemed surprised I didn't want him there but sort of appeared to accept it. He came back from the bathroom and hugged me, but it wasn't a passionate embrace, more a "might fall asleep on your shoulder" one.
So I asked him: "what you doing, are you going to sleep on my shoulder?" He replied: "If you want me to", but I said: "No, not really..." taking a step back so he nearly fell over.

(Made me think of the song: "Stand by your man... give him two arms to cling to..."- if he's too lazy to keep his own balance, why bother!?)

He seemed confused why I wanted him to leave. Suddenly, some life breathed into him and he grasped me feverishly as if we were dancing, then threw me onto the bed and himself on top of me.

This I liked, and I started giggling and expecting things to take a different turn, but it was like someone stepped on his brake. He came to rest on top of me and we just started talking, his hip bone pressing into my thigh.

He asked me if the dress I was wearing was the expensive one I had bought for my trip? I replied, "no, silly, this was 10 quid from Primark, do you think I would wear an expensive evening dress to the park?" ;)

I had taken off my bra whilst watching the film, so he could have had easy access to my assets if he'd wanted to, especially as he'd already proven how easy it is for him to hold me down when I am struggling to get free, but he wasn't interested.
Instead we talked about how weird this whole thing was, how we'd stopped kissing when he had the cold sore, how he just felt like "my friend".

I didn't particularly want to hear this, and then he came out with this story about a girl he'd liked at uni (when he was still shy about women- I thought, so what's changed?)- he had stayed a night in her bed and nothing had happened.
"So she was just lying there next to you, creaming herself all night in frustration?" I asked him.
"No," he replied, "it was cool", like it had only just occurred to him.

Then he started going into why I had held off letting him in my flat at first? Not having sex stright away, like I was "playing by The Rules" or something.
I replied that a girl can have loads of reasons for not rushing into bed with someone straightaway, thinking: I was really into Cashmere and dating Camden, we were both injured, next time I think I had my period or something, I wasn't sure how much I liked him yet, didn't want to upset my flatmate, who knows!?

We debated how it was possible for us to dance like we were having a passionate sex life, and he admitted that when he first met me he thought we'd have great sex yet didn't... So did I, but I thought it was still possible.
I said: "I have known you since February, some marriages don't even last this long!"

I began to wonder:
-This guy has passionately kissed your friend in front of you
-He is capable of LYING ON TOP OF YOU without doing anything
-He expects to spend the night and have breakfast without anything happening
-He has told you he feels more like your friend
-He talks about other women constantly
-He said he didn't mind you touching him but hasn't reciprocated
-You lay naked in his arms at Easter and touched his penis, he never went below your belly button...

I began to feel extremely insulted and angry, I mean I am not a hotel, right!?
Again I asked him to leave, in a very serious voice. He could see I was getting upset, I had to look the other way so he wouldn't see the tears welling up in my eyes.
"What is happening?", he asked, "why are you getting upset?"

I couldn't hold it in anymore and basically lost it.

"I have spent nine months lying next to someone who was thinking about someone else the whole time, I don't need this!" I yelled at him.
I ran out the room and locked myself in the bathroom, sobbing hysterically. It was around 3am.

I tried to calm down, then took his shoes and bag from the hallway and threw them outside the front door on the landing.
I came back into my bedroom to find him putting on his shirt, took his mobile from the floor and chucked it into his shoe outside my flat, then I shoved him out after it.
"If you don't want to be with me", I said through my tears, "there are a million places on this planet you can be rather than in my bed!"

He didn't get it. "But I do want to be with me, and I never said I was thinking of someone else" he told me, utterly bewildered.

Next thing he knew, he was out on the landing and I locked the door behind him.

Suddenly I started to feel really sorry for him.
After all, was my outburst really fair on him? He had no idea of the can of worms he'd opened and I unlocked my front door and found him sitting on the top of the stairs, putting his shoes on.

"I'm sorry" I said, and he got up and hugged me.

We talked a bit more, but I was tired and it was too late to actually solve anything. I think he began to understand a bit more and he also confessed his last serious relationship ended 6 years ago. 88|
Mine was just over a year ago, which he said was "lucky".
I asked him why nothing had ever worked out for him since then, and he said something about falling for the wrong people and the wrong people falling for him, but come on, 1999!?!?!

We kissed on the mouth to say goodbye, but it didn't turn into anything passionate and in the end he left.

I composed a text which I didn't send:
"As you have the social skills of a cruise missile, the tact of a tank, Scrooge's generosity and Mother Theresa's libido, last night was the last goodbye."

He called and left a voice mail yesterday, asking if I was ok. I won't call him back.