Here's to Tuesday nights!
Got invited to a VIP-football-watching package by a bunch of corporate suits, this included a champagne reception, 3 course menu and watching the footie.
They were a lovely bunch of fellas and really positively surprised when me and Ms Madrid actually turned up. Who am I to turn down a spare ticket!
As they say, there may be no such thing as a free lunch, but there are plenty of free dinners to be taken advantage of.

It turned out that one of them was about to get married- aged 27 no less and to a girl of 22, get them! Then again they've been going out for 6 years, how do they do that? Actually I have to stifle a yawn, excuse me. The yawn of jealousy.
Maybe not...
So in a way last night was his 4th stag do. He had a serious case of the heebie-jeebies and told me he'd only proposed to "shut her up" and couldn't wait to get away from her- huh!?!?!?

He moaned that the wedding was costing in excess of 27 grand, and I replied: "Mate, what do you estimate your divorce will cost you then?", seriously concerned for his'n'hers "happily ever after".

Another guy who I thought was gay because of the sweet, wide-eyed looks he kept giving me, turned out to be straight and, you guessed it, married to boot. He'd proposed after 7 weeks because he "just knew she was the one" - sweet! I confessed recent dating disasters and sexual rejections, and he encouraged me to hang on in there, I would meet someone decent soon. He told me repeatedly how interesting and attractive he thought I was. Lovely, but it felt rather "safe" although he seemed to flirt with me a bit. Still, I thought nothing of it- after all he was married to THE ONE...

Drunk enough to try to set the Swedish flag on fire, we were eventually ready to leave and I suggested to the hard core of guys who wheren't so eager to run home (to their wives, girlfriends or sad, single beds): "Hey, let's go to a lap dancing club!"

I have never been to one and thought this would be the perfect opportunity. A bunch of fun, drunk suits with money, mad Ms Madrid and I, totally up for it.
We piled in to their "lear jet" mini bus (the new limo apparently) and set off to a posh lap dancing venue which employs fully nude dancers as I was soon to discover.

Here for a few facts about lap dancing clubs I never knew:
-Most girls are totally bare (waxed, shaved, whatever)
-You pay for dance tokens which you then hand to the dancers, people usually tip on top of that
-It is truly amazing what 2 girls can do on a 10m pole!
-They don't actually grind on the guys laps to turn them on, only the sleazier venues allow for this. A "safe distance" of a few inches is kept, unless they really like you.
-You aren't allowed to kiss a guy if you are one of the punters in the club, and dancers aren't, either.
-The on-site ATM charges 10quid per withdrawal!
-Most of the visitors are corporate entertainment!!!
-It is rather clinical and not that sexy after all. The dancers "don't really mean it".

Nevertheless, I enjoyed the experience and got turned on- go figure...

As we entered the club, there were half-naked, fit and tarty-looking girls everywhere, talking to men.
We got a table by the main stage, and before I had blinked, the blonde girl up by the pole had taken her top off. Behind us, a brunette girl was dancing in a short skirt with her legs open, so you could look directly up at her pussy which was barely covered by a skimpy white thong.
Her top also came off pretty swiftly.

An Asian girl approached us, as the DJ was announcing a "Topless Teaser"- sure enough, she peeled her skimpy excuse of a dress off her shoulders and wiggled her nipples at us. Sweet!

One of the guys returned to the table with a tall Brunette, who took me by the hand and led me to her "office"- a side room with leather seating around the edges, a bare lamp in the middle of the ceiling, and another, fully nude girl writhing across a guy's lap.

She sat me down and asked me to open my legs, then she peeled her top off and began dancing. None of the guys had come with me, I was almost alone with a strange girl who was planning to dance for me, naked!
Soon enough, her England football knickers and thong came off too, revealing a fully waxed fanny and an interestingly pierced clitoris- she had one of those curved belly button bars vertically through her clit, incredible!
I took a closer look whilst she writhed and giggled, rubbing her nipples and tossing her hair. She rolled her bum in front of my chest just above my lap, threw herself against me with her back and looked up at me, licking her finger. She smiled and slapped her bum. She put one knee up on the sofa, straightening her other leg and opened herself up a bit.
It wasn't particularly sexy, she didn't seem into it and the whole dance thing seemed cold, although I did get turned on by it.

After the song, she popped her clothes back on and led me back to the table. I was somewhat overwhelmed, and almost immediately the "gay" married guy grabbed her and me by the hand and we were back in the side room. I tried to get him to ask a different girl, but too late! This time he sat next to me whilst she danced for the two of us, our hands touching slightly.

I am embarrassed to admit, I don't quite recall exactly how many dances I had!
The guys took turns in buying them for me and Ms Madrid, Caipirinhas kept appearing on the table, and a double-act of Oriental girls climbed up on the pole, followed by a big-breasted blonde, followed by a plastic-looking redhead, and so on.

One girl made a particular impression on Mr Married, he said she actually made him hot. Her dancing style was different, she seemed warmer and almost "loving" in the way she danced for us.
Her double-act partner, the other Oriental girl, also gave us an intimate peek at her privates.
A cute girl from Estonia was my favourite- she got really close and paid me lots of compliments.
Her clit was huge, like nothing I had seen before. Then again, when do girls ever get the chance of looking at other girls' privates this close up!?
My mouth was slightly open, and whilst she danced for me, her lip caught on my lip, she slipped the tip of her tongue into my mouth and tasted amazingly soft and sweet.
I didn't notice her tongue was pierced until I went back for a second dance with Mr Married. I even caught her nipple in my mouth a few times, and she pressed her butt into my boobs quite forcefully.
She was lovely to kiss, and Mr Married looked on as we made out barely 5 inches from his face.
She used to be with girls exclusively until the age of 19, she told us, and I booked her for a third dance with another guy from the next table.
This girl and the first Oriental one were the only ones who didn't appear totally fake and "dry", she even told me I was turning her on and I believed her. Then again she may have just been better at pretending than the others!

By this time, I was getting exhausted and quite drunk. As Mr Married and I returned to our table from our dance with her, he confessed he'd wanted to kiss me.
It happened after our next dance together- he stopped me in my tracks and kissed me hard on the mouth, his tongue probing my lips.

We sat down at a different table and kept snogging until a security guard interrupted us- apparently you aren't allowed to kiss in the club, heaven knows why! Maybe because it distracts the guys from buying more dances and ogling the paid girls, I guess.

Anyway, it felt really good to be judged sexier than all those size 8 models with shaved muffs in there!

Mr Married asked me if I was wet, and I told him yes. I was!

We got a taxi and kept making out in the back as he dropped me home. He kissed me deeply, slipped his hand between my legs and let me feel his erection. I declined his request to invite him in, and jumped out after a brief goodbye. As I walked up to my front door, he suddenly dashed after me. I felt really startled and wondered what to do.
It seems like I took his marriage vows more seriously than he did!

I kissed him goodbye, told him he couldn't come in and said goodnight.

That is one headfuck I don't need, although a passionate fuck may heave taken care of my horniness...
Then again, married men are a serious no-no, I feel really guilty about encouraging him by flirting and kissing him...

The whole experience taught me that lap dancing places aren't anything a girl needs to feel her relationship threatened by. It's the "amateurs" which are dangerous!
I'd rather my partner goes to a classy strip joint than out to a place packed with drunk Essex girls...

Indeed.