... on me and the old Gem Guy. I now need HIM for something, and he won't return my calls. On the plus side, he also hasn't said "no" yet. A good sign?

The Aristocrat has become suspiciously quiet. How irritating. I think relationships can go two ways:
-Start with a bang and descend into notingness, or
-start with a whisper and climax to a scream (of the good kind).

My first bf literally whisked me off my feet. From meeting him in the street at the Notting Hill Carnival to our first kiss it was about 2 hours (if that), then we were making out outside my youth hostel, then he took me to dinner the next night (followed by more making-out). A week later he proposed over the phone. "I want you to be the mother of my children"- yeah, sure... I was 18!!!
The more I saw him, the more we argued. He pressured me into having sex when I wasn't well. He screamed at me. He didn't do his bit in the household after I moved in with him. He pushed me. He told my friend I had "walked into his hand". He choked me and locked me in. I became scared of him and when I planned to move out, he became verbally abusive. When I went to sleep on the couch he followed me and stared at me in the dark. When I locked myself in the bathroom, he stood on a chair and looked in through the window above the door. He stopped wearing condoms. He pushed me onto the floor so I grazed my elbow badly, and lay on top of me and put his hand under my top.
I moved out and he kept ringing my friends. He had gifts for me, he said. He knew where I was staying. He was guessing. One day he waited for me near my work, sang for me in the street and followed me with a bunch of flowers. I'd gotten used to getting flowers after he'd been abusive. Once, he just dumped them on the floor, still in the wrapper. The poor flowers- I had to put them in water.
He wanted to hug me, there in Covent Garden. He'd had his ear pierced with the ear stud I had got for him and it had become infected. I ran off.

The Bastard used to be my friend. We got drunk one night and slept together. I remember so much laughter, taking the piss, having fun, being open with eachother. Always champagne. He loved to cook. He was funny, generous and we were dynamite in bed. Then he started talking marriage. Would I move in with him? His mum and stepdad loved me, we got on great.
Christmas at my folks', plans to visit his brother in the Caribbean... I started looking for a flat for us.
Then I found the photographs, the text messages, his betrayal. I gave him another chance, then I found out the whole extent of what had been going on behind my back.
It was over. I lost it, and he turned cold and nasty. The end.

The Pilot, Cashmere, Romeo- all seemed great at the start. The fun, the closeness, the potential, the romance- then, nothing.

The Aristocrat put his ring on my finger, waffle, waffle, wife, waffle, kids, waffle, I want a son, waffle, you have to meet such-and-such, waffle, waffle, Orient Express, waffle, my parents would like you, waffle, waffle, I have to take you to Venice when we are married, waffle, waffle, waffle, meet my dogs, waffle, you are so wonderful etc etc etc...-...-...-...-... -? Where is he?

The Colonel was the same- come stay on my yacht, come to New York, I love you, I love you, I love you (-"how can you say that, we barely know each other"- "I love you"). Marriage, alcohol, blablabla.
Then, the other woman on the boat. Me storming off to have lobster lunch with Daddy instead. His neverending phone calls to me in London. Weird.

What's a girl to think?

On the other hand, Nice Ex was a slow burner. For ages I wasn't even sure he liked me. When I asked him out for coffee, he told me he didn't drink coffee. He was nineteen. Bless him!

writing a LONG post on this stupid website only to have it automatically deleted by "server maintenance". Thanks assholes!!!

Noise. How fucking noisy is London? Police cars, people shouting, cars, another bloody police siren... The other night, a bunch of people hung out under my window with a gaggle of small kids, being very obnoxious well into my (and any kid's I should have assumed) bed time. The night after, a woman kept shouting: "Rachael" at the top of her voice every few minutes. I suspect it was the loopy one who walks around begging barefoot, or goes shopping in her dressing gown. Rachael is probably a figment of her imagination anyway...

The tube. It gets crapper, hotter and more expensive every year. Apparently, they will get rid of human ticket sellers in the near future. What if you need help working those bloody machines? What about blind people? Or do they travel free anyway? I have yet to see a touch-screen monitor in Braille...

Silly girls. "My hair, my nails, my weight, my mate's boob job"- argh, give me a break! One girl I currently work with looks like Kate from Lost, until she opens her mouth, displaying a row of perfect teeth, spouting utter dribble in a broad Essex accent. Or maybe it's me who's superficial...?

Men. Hot, cold, hot, cold, worse than an English shower! Where is the Aristocrat? "BUSY"? And Romeo? Funny, I text him, how I've seen more of Mr Bigshot than him although I don't fancy Mr Big... He only replied to ask if I was still in Scotland. Um, no... !?!?

Bloody idiots who grass you up at work. So what if I am on twice the wage doing half the work? No need reporting me for drinking with clients (they insisted!) and sneaking off left-over food (the lunch packs were horrid and we were hungry!). I will kill the lil bastard...

Fat. Having put on 5kg since stopping Prozac, I feel bloated, ugly and don't fit in my clothes. It also doesn't help having to eat horrid soggy sandwiches with mayonnaise in the company of really silly girls. You eat to get over the frustration of unreliable men and stupid staff who won't let you sneak off better food...

Agencies. I have been booked into a hotel prior to an early-morning job- this hotel is on a motor way and I don't have a car. Smart!
Another agency still owes me money for work I did in December. Yes, 2005.

This may well be an urban myth, but here goes:

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.
> Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.
> The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is Called
"Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or
seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is
then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.
> The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone
number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions
correctly, they both win the prize.
> One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to
its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet.
Anyway, here's how it all went down:
> DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"
> Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
> DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you
win.
> What is your name? First only please."
> Contestant: "Brian."
> DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
> Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
> DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
> Brian: "Sara."
> DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
> Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
> DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
> Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
> DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
> Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
> DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
> Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
> DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
> Brian: "About 10 minutes."
> DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if
a trip wasn't at stake."
> Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
> DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?
> Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
> DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
> Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a
couple of weeks..."
> DJ: "Uh huh..."
> Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
> DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
> Brian: "On the kitchen table."
> DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times
I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number
and call her up. You listen to this."
> [3 minutes of commercials follow. ]
> DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sara, shall we?" (touch tones.....ringing....)
> Clerk: "Kinkos."
> DJ: "Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?"
> Clerk: "This is she."
> DJ: "Sara, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've
been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
> Sara: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
> DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give
any\answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate
Match'?"
> Sara: "No."
> DJ: "Good!"
> Brian: (laughing)
> Sara: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
> Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely
honest."
> DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sara. If your
answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold
Coast for 5 days on us.
> Sara: (laughing) "Yes."
> DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sara?"
> Sara: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
> DJ: "What time?"
> Sara: "Around 8 this morning."
> DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
> Sara: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
> DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his
manhood. We've got one last question, Sara. You are one question away from a
trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"
> Sara: (laughing) "Yes."
> DJ: "Where did you have it?"
> Sara: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"
> Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
> DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sara?"
> Sara: "Well..."
> DJ: Come on Sara..... where did you have it?
> Sara: "Up the arse....."
> After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break"
> And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing!

... my bloody computer. It just crashed after I compiled a 6 point "Today I hate" list. Arrrggghhh!!!

Following a lovely, expensive meal in a fantastic restaurant, an exhilarating show and cocktails in the cozy bar we discovered last year, the Sailor took me home to meet his folks. Well, not just to meet them, this was as side effect of me spending he night there.
His parents and brother were slightly tipsy, as were we, and we had some more wine and got to know each other as best you can when you are tipsy and tired.

Later we went off to bed, and he undressed me with the bed light on.
Earlier, we’d discussed odd ways of the opposite sex, and he’d complained that he’d had girlfriends in the past who just stripped off and laid under the covers, timidly and passively, until he had to get on top. Yawn…
I then replied that this active/passive thing is very much gender role behaviour, with girls wanting to be dominated and “seduced” and guys wanting/having to take the more active, dominating role of seducer.
Still, it doesn’t have to be this boring. I whispered and moaned into his ear: “No, oh, not yet, don’t, oh, um, noo, ah, leave me, ah, yes, no, don’t…”, which turned him on nearly as much as it embarrassed him –we were still in the bar.
Anyway, we went to bed and started kissing and fooling around. He wouldn’t let me touch him because he had a visitation from his skin complaint, but then he made the mistake of showing it to me. It looked completely harmless and was inches away from his actual cock, nestling between his belly button and cock base, covered by his shorts.
He touched me everywhere, slipping his fingers and tongue inside me, complimenting my taste (as they all do; gosh, other girls must taste awful…?)… But it wasn’t enough. I really wanted him to enter me, and take me, and fuck me. Naked, rough and raw.
I unbuttoned his cock and stroked it, then licked it. He soon stopped protesting.
Honestly, he was being too careful.
I slipped him inside me, sticking my bum up in the air. He moaned and pushed himself in deeper, then turned me onto my side, where I came after a few thrusts and playing with my clit.
He was still hard. “Have you come?” I asked him, and he replied: “yes, gallons, it’s been so long…” “but you are still hard” I said. I felt it though as soon as he withdrew, I was very very wet from his semen.
“You stupid woman” he chastised me. Yet he hadn’t stopped me, we were both overcome by lust and I didn’t regret it at all. Then I remembered, things like “asymptomatic shedding” and similar nasty expressions, yet I kept telling myself that I’d never had it on my lips and just used to kiss my mum or Dance boy on the cheek when they had it on their faces.
We cuddled up in the dark, I was still dizzy from the alcohol. I told him I was on the pill, and he replied: “I suppose I should have asked”- not surprising he didn’t though, taking into account how much he wants children. Good thing, as I ended up forgetting to take it that night…

We were both still horny. I said: “I’d love it if you just turned me around, grabbed my wrists, lay on top of me and just shoved your cock inside me, forcefully!”. I was still talking, when he grabbed me, held me down and, yanking up my nighty, entered me again with his newly hard cock, still wearing his boxers.
I am getting wet just typing this!
He pumped away but although I was turned on I was a bit dry, and after a while we just stopped and fell asleep, my head on his arm.

We had to get up at the crack of dawn for me to stow away all my non-allowed items into my main luggage, leaving me with just my wallet and passport for the flight.
I was still drunk, tired and grumpy and his questions whether I wanted tea or coffee, or what to have on my toast, completely stressed me out.
His mum kissed me goodbye and he took me to the airport. Before joining the mother of all queues, we kissed and held each other for ages.

I am not quite sure about my reaction to this.
All young guys have porn, but I didn't expect to come across it in a very blatant place when I saved a file on his computer.
He's not even my boyfriend for chissakes!

It just made me re-evaluate the way he'd looked at my naked body the other morning when we fooled around. Was he imagining all these come-hungry sluts on his PC?

Another thing- well again he is young, but is that an excuse not to behave like a gentleman when there is a woman present?- the way he talked about girls in my earshot.

He said he likes teenagers ("young, nubile bodies"). I stopped being a teenager 9 years ago. Thanks!

Ugly, or fat(tish) girls they referred to as "trolls". One of them was his friend's cousin. Who the friend has slept with. The boy weighs about 16 stone himself.

Repeatedly texting another girl when the woman who has travelled across most of Britain to come and stay is in the same room- just not polite.

Moaning his flat mate seduced his girlfriend behind his back, then complaining when one is trying to keep her distance from said flatmate and his flirty banter, plain confusing.

Why is it that men just retract their promises as it suits them?

I mentioned to Chubby that I'd quite like to catch up with Lost whilst I am here, to which he replied: "Don't worry, we have it all downloaded, you can watch it anytime."

Then it turned out he didn't have them on DVD, but he said he could download them for me.

He never did, I never saw it and when I mentioned that he'd promised I could watch it, he said no he hadn't.

Why was it suddenly less important? If he hadn't promised I could see it anytime, I could have got my friend to tape it for me. Too late now...

Other promises that weren't kept:
-we'll have sex tonight
-I'll come meet you at such and such a time
-I'll give you the money later.

(1 and 3 have nothing to do with each other)

So, any ideas of what the female equivalent is?

I mean, there I come a-travelling up to Bonnie Scotland, expecting wild sex and romance (but mainly wild sex, my expectations having been built up by months of phone sex and text flirting), and then Chubby is more moody than broody!!!

I know the reason now, alas, the poor lamb is in love with someone else (anyway, I wanted into his pants, not into his heart), and each time I talk to him or one of his mates, he gets gradually younger.

Last year he was 23. Then he told me he'd just TURNED 23 this year. Then he admitted he was really just 22. Then his flatmate told me yesterday he is 21.
And then the big baby insists on lecturing ME on how to treat his friends!

But from the start.
I arrived on Saturday night after one hell of a trip, being charged a penalty fare on the train, nearly missing my flight due to an uncooperative bus driver and completely stressing out under the weight of my accumulative luggage.

I get to the apartment, Chubby and his friend are there, we have wine, some banter and it's quite flirty, I am just glad to see a friendly face after that awful trip and the discovery that my bank account was blanker than George Bush's expression.

So we go out, get a bit more drunk, snog in the street, hold hands, have some port back at his place, my head on his lap, then off to bed for some more snogs and making each other come. I came first, he has magic fingers and is an amazing kisser, but I really wanted to feel him inside me and got out a condom. However he was quite knackered so I just went on top for a bit which wasn't quite as rampant as I'd hoped. I licked and sucked him, but took my mouth away just before he came.

The next morning he started touching me again, but insisted on just coming on my stomach, whilst stroking my nipples and looking at my body in the morning light. I touched myself and he watched and wanked at the same time, until he came just after me.

I was a bit disappointed- I mean his fingers felt amazing on and in me, I loved sucking his kisses and his penis tasted nice, but I wanted him to FUCK me like he'd promised in our phone sex sessions...
He said: "tonight".

Then proceeded to be rather quiet the whole Sunday. Whilst we were watching a film he kept sending texts on his phone, even asking me to spell the odd word- clearly to a girl- how rude! In the evening he passed out on the sofa without an invitation for me to join him.

(well I now know he is just very young... but PLEASE!)

I went to bed and left him on the sofa.
At 2am I woke from a dream with a start and a scream, he was standing above me with a corner of the duvet in his hand but I was so confused I thought he was about to hit me, or the guy in my dream was.

I had ear plugs in so I couldn't hear what he said, until I took them out when he just went, "Jesus I don't need this". I mean, do I?

He slept until noon on Monday, leaving me to try and work out the TV on my own, then he went to help his friend decorating and I had to take another friend to the theatre.

On Tuesday night I was so fed up with him not talking to me, I left him and his flatmate by the pool table and took off.
As I got back later that night, I bumped into the 3 of them in the street, Chubby, his flat mate and their friend from the first night.
I'd not had a moment alone with him, only in bed. When he spoke he'd just address his friend or flat mate and looked at me quite blankly. As a result, I didn't make much of an effort with his flat mate, as I didn't want Chubby to think I was flirting with him.
I actually had quite a fun chat with him after Chubby went to bed, then I went to join him, but although he was clearly still awake his just turned his back to me and only grunted when I tried to get close.
I got a certain flirty vibe from the flatmate and also from his friend (which confirmed itself as he told me how hot I was before Chubby and the flatmate entered the flat behind us)- I thought maybe Chubby was upset about that?

So that night, Chubby took me into the kitchen for a chat, where he confessed he was finding the situation more difficult than expected because he was in love with someone else.
Finally, some answers!

I told him I would find somewhere else to stay, but he insisted I stayed with them until I go back home. Um, no thanks. I felt really awkward at the prospect of sharing a bed with someone who was rejecting me. Too much false intimacy, no need for that.

I left him a note next to his keys yesterday after spending a really fun afternoon at the gym with his flatmate.

On a positive note, the Sailor is also up here at the moment and took me to lunch on Tuesday. This was so much fun, we went shopping afterwards (he got £250 worth of designer tops) and I will see him again before I leave. Screw the young guys, finally a man who wants to get engaged this year!

I told him he only has 4 months left, which prompted him to ask where he should propose to me? (to ME!?) I replied location didn't matter as long as he'd thought it out properly beforehand, and had a ring and other essentials. He was intrigued why I'd turned down proposals before, but they were all non-serious ones, apart from the first one maybe when -we were both too young. Next:
-still married (a Green Card suggestion)
-a joke (?)
-drunk/whilst having sex.

So they don't count and have to be answered with "No".

2 dates this week.
One with the Aristocrat, man he is so nice, but he won't stop talking long enough for me to answer his questions, on the other hand I now have a pretty good picture of him. Including the signed one he gave me of course. Only kidding, but only just!

He plied me with champagne, endless stories, v nice food, but I have to say I felt slightly uncomfortable in his club where everyone knows him. I suggested a darker, more intimate one with music and the most fantastic cocktails (I mean which club these days has NO cocktails besides a Pimms!?), but it was kind of late by then.

Anyway, we had a nice time and he leant over to kiss me when we were alone in the room.
I was expecting and looking forward to that, but his kiss was a bit disappointing. I like it when both parties create a suction between their lips and tongues, it feels much nicer than completely open mouths and probing tongue, and air escaping everywhere without creating a nice, smoochy sensation, but hey, I think he could learn.

We kissed again later, in the lift, after more champagne and some coffee. He tried groping me which surprised me, I mean kissing doesn't automatically allow the guy access to my boobs, lift or no lift!

Anyway, it moved our friendship nicely on to the next level. I have to say though, in public he is very respectful and considerate.

No sign of the promised ring though which disappointed me, but I loved the fact he brought me four books he likes!

He put me in a taxi home and we said goodnight on the phone after I got in...

---------

Date 2 was the next day, with a 24-year-old investment banker I met on Saturday. I was so tired in the afternoon I nearly blew him out, because I remembered him as slightly boring and a very self-conscious dancer, I actually dreaded it slightly.

The whole time I was asking myself, why, Sienna, why are you doing this?
I mean there is a perfectly nice, respectable Aristocrat who likes you and mentioned taking you to Venice "when we get married", but was this just the booze talking?
What would he think if he knew you are off cajoling with someone 20 years younger than him only a day later, whilst he chills out at home?

I got dressed up which made me stand out a mile in the City, and we had drinks outside a bar. During the conversation he was suddenly much cuter and more interesting than I'd expected him to be, and things began feeling really positive.
We had a Thai Champagne menue later and more stimulating conversation, in which I actually began to understand what investment bankers actually do.
He was kind, intelligent, down to earth, humble and interested in me, and the food was delicious.
When City Boy picked up the tab without hesitation I felt happy and ready to go on elsewhere for more drinks and closeness.
He took me to a dark and noisy city club where women were a "rare resource" as a guy informed me in the queue, and we proceeded to get closer on the dance floor until we just snogged to the music.
Very immature, I mean I felt like a naughty teen!
I was certain I could feel him getting hard, but I wasn't bold enough to check, he on the other hand kept trailing a thumb across my nipple and I let him and enjoyed it, feeling my knickers slicken.

I felt guilty though. Would he expect me to become his girlfriend? I have had enough of younger men who want to get serious without getting serious, I mean he is staying at M&D's for the time being, after which he plans to move in with 3(!) mates...

On the other hand, the Aristocrat goes to bed early and gets up at 6...

Ah, and then there is this Indian prince pursuing me with eager text messages.
Plus the vain open-shirt guy from the same night, who kept looking over my shoulder for better prospects.

Here we go again!