why oh why!
those fucking bastards!
40 minutes of my life spent typing and those CUNTS delete my post!!!
Fuck you!!!

I made the fatal mistake of whining to one of my gay friends about the cool and distant treatment from the Aristocrat.

Half- drunk, we decided to call him, just to wind him up.

My friend asked for his number, but got the answerphone- big surprise, it was after midnight! I urged him not to say anything or to mention my name, but too late, he carried on regardless:
"Hi this is Kenneth from the broken hearts line, we have been contacted by a girl named Sienna. It seems you have really upset her and she would like you to get in touch...blablabla!"- I couldn't believe it!

For a minute, I thought he had just made it up but I now believe he really did leave that cringy voice message.
I hate him!
Needless to say, the Aristo hasn't been in touch...

I had to go to a delightful little place in the Cotswolds for work, and with regards to my dwindeling funds I asked a local friend for help in putting me up somewhere.
He found me a spare room to crash in with a nice-sounding English gent.

I phoned him and looved his voice, and his positive attitude towards accommodating a complete stranger as his weekend house guest.

I wondered whether he might be really old or gay, or indeed a sexy, successful guy I might go for?

My questions were answered when he came to pick up me and my little pink suitcase once we'd got into town.

He drove a huge 4x4 (necessary in the countryside, and not just a wanky status symbol like in London), he was well-dressed and had a nice, friendly attractive face- and, oh, that voice!

We drove back to his and I got settled in in the broom-cupboard-sized spare room. The whole place was filled with books and the views were magnificent.

We met up again later that night, and I found myself flirting with him and his friend. I was rather attracted to the Gent, but not sure of his exact age- forties?

He took my arm as we walked to the cab. He seemed rather drunk to me, and as I was running high on adrenaline and had imbibed two glasses of wine, I was getting there myself. A lot of fun banter ensued and we decided to pop into another pub to play some pool.

We played doubles and got really excited when it looked good for us, that he took me into his arms and gave me a spontaneous kiss on the lips. Then I potted some balls and let myself fall onto his lap, where he grabbed me in an embrace and kissed me again, happy that we were beating the other team.

As we left the pub, I was mesmerized by the stars -not even on my holiday had they seemed that plentiful and close.
We star-gazed for a while in his garden, and then he pulled me towards him and kissed me. I was a really nice kiss, and he told me I was a great kisser.

It was a bit odd, because I would spend the night at his place and hadn't really expected things to move that fast, but I enjoyed his company a lot.

"Would you like another drink?" he asked as he poured us some rose, "do you think I need one?" I replied, but drank it anyway.

He came to sit next to me on the armchair I had flung myself onto, and we talked, kissed and cuddled. Then he started stroking my nipple through my t-shirt, telling me how beautiful he thought I was.
It was rather exciting and I had no idea what would happen- would he expect me to share his bed? Would this be a good idea? I began to really like him and I was keen to get to know him better and wondered whether playing around might jeopardise any future friendship or relationship- after all I'd only met him that afternoon and we knew nothing about each other.

We ended up on the carpet. He pulled my t-shirt up and slid his finger into my black lace bra "I like this", he said and proceeded to suck and lick my nipple.
My nipples are quite sensitive and I don't usually like rough handling of them or too much stimulation, but what he did was like a short-circuit into my clit. He nibbled and sucked my right nipple until I was in agony, or ecstasy, I didn't know which.

I knew I was really wet, and he slipped off my thong and pulled up my skirt as he started fondling my clit.
I was really turned on, but torn- I told him:"I don't know whether I want you to stop, or whether I want you to fuck me right here". He reassured me he'd do nothing against my will, but he was very forceful nonetheless.

Just typing this is sending my juices flowing...
I longed for him to just keep going, tear all my clothes off and enter me right there on the floor, but when he got up to go to the bathroom I covered myself and wondered how I could get him to go to sleep so I could lie down on my own and get some rest.

The classic head/flesh divide!

He walked me backwards into his bedroom, where he put me onto the bed and took my skirt off. He knelt between my thighs and started licking me, sucking my clit and flicking his tongue across my labia and in and out. Very sexy, but not quite steady enough for me to come. I enjoyed it, but I told him I'd be selfish and not reciprocate.
I was questioning my motives if we'd slept together- what had he done to earn it? Other than being horny and making me horny, I saw no reason to go into a false intimacy by shagging him and sharing his bed.
I liked him enough to want to see where it may all go before I'd sleep with him.
Nonetheless, he kept sucking and licking me until I came. He loved my taste, he said, I shouldn't be ashamed, I was beautiful, he liked me, he loved me, he wanted me, he wanted to be inside me...

I kind of wished he'd shut up. From experience I know none of this means anything of substance, and I wasn't about to be disappointed again.

He made me come a second time, and I went into my room to get my night things. He caught up with me in the hall and unbuttoned my nighty- taking it off me quite forcefully, then he lifted me up on this ledge in his bathroom and spread my legs until he was licking me again. It was nice, but I almost felt scared at that point- I had decided I wouldn't go all the way, and his forcefulness made me realise what a stupid position I was in- naked in the house of a man who wanted to have sex with me, with nowhere else to go...

He went back to bed whilst I brushed my teeth, and when I came out of the bathroom he had fallen asleep.
I went to bed in my broom cupboard.

I was woken up by church bells and sunshine- then a rider on horse-back clattered past.
We spent a wonderful day together, going into town, having long spiritual conversations and driving out into the countryside.

Not overly touchy-feely, but getting to know each other more. He is 45, never married, wants kids, he is doing well in his carreer- he is creative, intelligent, busy and wants to move to his house abroad soon, for tax reasons.

In the afternoon we met up with our mutual friend who'd arranged for me to stay there, but we let nothing slip...

My nipple still felt like it had been chewed by cannibals!

I watched this programme last night- "Guys and Dolls", about men who buy these American RealDolls (they have a website somewhere) which look "just like real" women, or rather, just like a woman-sized Barbie.

I was surprisingly rather touched by these guys.
None of them were desperately ugly or really weird, I mean if you don't count that one of them just likes his own company and the "peace and quiet" you get when your lover isn't an "organic" woman, and another guy had made the spare room into a shrine for his mum who died 10 years ago. He even made sure her bin was left untouched and her watch was set to the right time.
But still, this wasn't disturbing, just touching and quite sad.

A long-haired guy living in the States with 2 dolls and 3 guns said about himself that he had bad skin and felt ugly, but I didn't agree with his negative self-image. Don't you see all sorts of people who aren't classically beautiful in really happy, stable relationships? What about the "inner beauty"- surely a lot of women see past a lot worse than his face, which was plain-ish but not unattractive.

The English guy whose mum had died made me sad too. He is lonely, but didn't seem unable to get involved in a relationship- he just seemed rather shy and insecure about his looks. He wasn't unattractive either, just maybe a bit odd- but again, there didn't seem to be anything really wrong with him at all.

Funny though that these men would rather purchase a DOLL for a few thousand dollars (the creator said "it keeps the food bills down") instead of trying to meet a person.
Another issue may be that the doll is new, untouched, virginal and belongs just to the owner- unlike a real woman who may have had other lovers and possesses a mind of her own.
Saying that, the "doll doctor" who was interviewed admitted to having sex with dolls (I assume his client's "partners"!) on a few occasions. He described one in particular, who seemed to actively participate in the love-making- weird!!!
The rest of the time he just reattaches new vagina lips, replacement pubic hair (real pubes from Sweden), glues on eye lashes and tightens joints.

One American guy who owns 8 (!) dolls and had started a relationship with a woman lately mentioned that if he gets a raging hard-on at 3am, he just pops into his garage and grabs a doll which he throws onto the bed and rogers senseless. Well, maybe real women like to be rogered senseless occasionally, but we wouldn't be happy living in a garage...

The emotionally confused American took me to a posh member's club on Thursday, full of rich old farts and sparkling young bimbos.
I'd heard of this club but never been, and although we got in no problem, there was no chance for a table.

As a result of my empty stomach, I really felt that first glass of champagne.

The whole time we were there, we talked about the sleazy-looking clientele (basically, young girls who may have been hookers and wealthy gray-haired guys interspersed with the odd Cashmere/Gucci Boy lookalike) and his "psycho ex" girlfriend.

I put this ininverted commas because I think every woman has the potential to turn psycho if she is treated like dirt (see: 'how to break up like a bitch' further down), and the lady in question was not his ex, as she continued to bombard him with phone calls on all 3 cell phones all night.

Apparently, they got together when he was still with his wife, she is Russian (oh-ooh!), 28 (oh dear- he is in his forties), the sex is great (of course), he supports her financially and has even paid her for sex (red flag, red flag!) she is violent, hates his kids, throws things, constantly wants diamonds, got pregnant, had an abortion (told him she miscarried at first), slept with other guys -should I go on?- but hey, the sex is out of this world apparently and he likes being with someone and getting regular hugs.

A short while into sipping bubbly/whiskey, nibbling nuts and chatting (funnily enough, we know some people in common too), he began getting affectionate and stroking my hair.

I was a bit confused because it was now obvious he liked me, he kept plying me with compliments yet the subject of conversation was his continuing involvement with this extremely unstable woman who kept ringing every few minutes.

He was rather explicit as far as their sex life was concerned, using words like "I like fucking her" and so on quite frequently. I found this funny not offensive, but on the other hand we'd only just met...

I felt a bit sorry for this unknown girl. Here she is, obviously she doesn't trust him at all, she wants him to marry her anyway but her behaviour keeps pushing him further away- into the arms of the likes of me, who is happy to listen but I wouldn't get involved with him if he looked like Brad Pitt!

I had an early start the next day and insisted we leave after my next drink and some (tiny but expensive) food. This prompted him to suggest I come back to his 5* hotel because it was closer to the city- and the beds were nice and comfy. Also, he'd be a gentleman.
Um, what!?
I am perfectly happy sleeping alone in my own bed, waking up to a wardrobe full of my own, day-time clothes- so, what do I get out of it if he's not even offering sex!?

In any case, that wasn't really on the cards. You don't exactly listen so someone drone on about another person all night, and then when they make a move on you, you go: OK, sure, let's have a night of rampant sex!

But it's not the first time this has happened.
Needless to say, I enjoyed his compliments, company and conversation but had his driver drop me home nonetheless. We are officially friends (although he seems rather keen to kiss his "friends" on the lips) and I have an invitation to his Central Park apartment.

When I expressed reluctance to stay there as it may lead to a confrontation with Ms Psycho, he told me: "Don't worry, you are bigger than her, you could take her"- yeah right!

I chatted with Canadaboy on MSN yesterday- he misses me and I miss him. After my tryst with Blondie, I am now curious to visit Toronto- also I miss Canadaboy, a lot.
He was my only straight male friend who didn't pester me for sex, like Dope boy does on a regular basis. I usually turn him down, and it's flattering but a bit annoying.

Actually Dope is concerned for my mental health, he called me today to tell me which herbal pills to buy from Holland and Barrett so my body produces the Serotonin it is now lacking since I stopped Prozac.
I mentioned I stopped yesterday, and how it had made me put on weight- and obviously he is concerned about my mental state after I rang him in tears today, unable to deal with some banking problems...

What I meant to say was: Canada proposed, in a roundabout way. I told him either he or Blondie would have to marry me so I can stay (and work) in Canada, and he said "OK".
Who said romance was dead!?

Tonight I have a "date" with a lonely American internet boy- he wants to talk to me about his painful breakup, and as he happens to be in London, tonight's the night. I need that champagne cocktail, I think!

We were tired, I was also horny and eager to get him into bed.
We left the club and walked- there were no cabs to be had and the night was hot and sticky.

When we got to his apartment at the hotel, I was dying for a shower and he showed me the bathroom. It was obvious that two guys shared this place, there were traces of filth, overflowing bins and other obvious signs everywhere.

I had my shower, then the thought crossed my mind how nice it would be to have a bubble bath with him.

I started running the water and poured in some of the hotel shampoos and shower gels for some improvised bubble power, then I turned off the light.

He came in, wondering why I wasn't finished with my shower and I told him I would love us to have a bath together. I closed the door so it was nearly dark, and hung my towel up over the shower curtain rail. I slipped under the bubbles and watched his silhouette strip off and slip in after me.

He sat between my thighs and I started massaging his shoulders, then I got some more bubble bath (or conditioner or whatever it was- remember it was dark!), and lubricated his shoulders, neck and back.
He moaned with pleasure, and I could tell he was hard.
My hand grazed his penis as I stroked and enveloped him in my arms, but I didn't touch him yet.

Then, his flatmate and my "homeless for the night" friend came in. The bathroom was basically their en-suite, and we tried to keep quiet. Then we giggled and splashed about a bit, so the boys got the message. Then it went really dark when they turned off the bedroom lights to go to sleep.

It was a weird sensation- suspended in warm water and bubbles in the pitch black with a virtual stranger I was unable to see...

I was also incredibly embarrassed about any potential splashing noises, or moaning accentuated by the echo of the bathroom tiles.

After a while though, all this didn't matter. His strong, rough hands carressed and massaged me, his soft, warm kisses probed my lips and my mouth drowned in bubbles as I moved across him.
The bath was wide enough to lay side by side, and I explored his body in the dark. He is a tiny bit shorter than me, but his hands and penis were still a generous size. I longed to suck him, and after we stayed "above the belt" for some time, I eventually took him into my hand.
His hands were rough from the water, rough from work but with the shower gel and the bubbles they felt amazing against my skin, my nipples and finally between my legs.
I went down on him, still unable to see and just imagining his clear blue eyes and the floppy blonde hair. His arm muscles were firm under my touch, and his belly felt strong and flat. He had shaved his pubic hair, and I touched and stroked his balls until I took his smooth penis into my mouth.

He moaned, and there were some splashing sounds but I was almost sure at that point that the boys next door had gone to sleep. Briefly, I imagined them barging in:
Two of them holding me down whilst the third had his way with me. Raw, sexy, urgent, without a condom. Wet, slippery, being restrained by two men with hard-ons (of course, I had already fucked one of them: ToyBoy) whilst the third would pump into me hard until he came. Then onto the next...

Alas, I think they were asleep after all.

I blew him, half in, half out of the water. I can hold my breath for a long time and just let out bubbles through my nose when I was below the surface.
He clutched me, extatic. Then he did something really special: He slid one of his fingers inside me, and the motion I felt was as if he flicked a switch. I touched my clit at the same time, and came with an amazing intensity, feeling that "switch" deep inside me and not wanting him ever to stop being my lover.

I was desperate for his hard cock inside me, and moved over so he could slide it in from behind me. I stopped him shortly afterwards, scolding myself for being so horny and stupid, then pulled him on top of me where he entered me once again.

I didn't let him carry on for long, instead I got up and out of the water.
We continued in his bedroom- I put a condom on him, and he bent over me, lifted my leg up and banged me hard and fast, almost anonymously.
I was glad to finally see his gorgeous face. He glanced at the place where his cock was entering my vagina, and forcefully fucked me whilst holding my leg in place.
Very sexy, if not the most romantic.

We collapsed together and he soon fell asleep. Insomniac, my arse!

Dope boy came round just now, had a little of the lunch I cooked for us, and a lot of the rum I brought back from my holiday. Actually, the limit is like one liter of spirits but I managed to smuggle three, plus an enormous sea shell I found myself.

"Are you horny, fancy a quick shag?" he asked me just before his cab came around to take him to the studio. I declined but felt like this needed an explanation, after all the man is sex on legs when he is not completely smashed.
"I have a serious case of thrush right now", I confessed, "I don't know if I have a latex allergy or if it was the chlorine in the pool water...". This seemed to suffice and he helped himself to more rum before his taxi driver called.

Man, what is it with being struck down with an itchy fanny each time you have some fun!? I WAS turned on and the boys weren't enormous, but I do think there was more than the recommended amout of chlorine in that water...

But from the start.

One day, my friend and I were in a shop in the local 5* hotel, trying on glitzy dresses, when HE walked in with a drill.
The gorgeous blonde boy who I'd spotted on our second day on the island, and his friend. Carrying tools, climbing ladders and being manly and efficient.
I knew I didn't have the money to afford those frocks, so I bought myself a nice hat and watched my friend transform herself from beach girl into Salma Hayek whilst the boys looked on.

Blonde boy started talking to me, as he'd remebered me from exchanging shy glances on various nights out, and his friend joined in the conversation too. I can't describe how sexy this was: my friend and I shopping like ladies who lunch, whilst these two guys were getting hot and dusty with their drills...
As my friend proceeded to torture her credit card, I arranged to meet the boys in the pool later.

On the beach I indulged in a massage offered at a bargain price (we were like the only people on the beach) by one of the locals before going to the pool- I ordered a few drinks on the name of one of the American guys we'd met who were staying at the hotel (naughty, but they'd suggested it!) and then started playing volleyball with cute Blondie and his bearded friend.

My friend soon joined us and we all got on smashingly. Their boss appeared just after it got dark, and ended up inviting all of us into his on-site apartment for a pasta dinner.

We had a great time. The hot sauce made me blush and the wine got me drunk, then we discovered this card game called "rate your mate" and made up our own rules to play.
Apparently, it was designed for couples but you could easily adapt it to friends. Even questions such as: "What time of day do your mate and you prefer to indulge in sexual activity?
a) first thing in the morning
b) in the afternoon
c) at night
d) none of the above" could be answered with ease by picking d).

What a laugh! After dinner, Blondie and I went into the kitchen to "help" but we just ended up chatting and exchanging email addresses.

especially if your young lover comes online from halfways round the world (not ToyBoy, the other one- I haven't told you about him yet), then disappears after your bloody computer decides to commit temporary suicide...

Also I gotta be up in the morning, and it's not for diving...

Anyway, my lover cheers up my gloomy thoughts now I think about our cheeky messenger conversation...
About the sex in the pool.
About his perfect cock inside me.
About how he somehow discovered my G-spot in his bath tub.
About the sweaty walks across the golf course back to his hotel, talking, out shadows clear-cut in the moonlight.
About his beautiful, dirty mouth and his rough, wonderful hands.
About our first kiss on the beach, our feet in warm water whilst cold rain hit our bodies.
His thick tongue in my mouth, which turned both of us on.
How I let him have me without a condom, I was so turned on I couldn't wait. Hey we were still in the bath anyway...

I know, this is stupid. But try communicating with your brain when it is flushed with horny hormones and your pussy flushed with sweet juice- je ne regrette rien. I came, he didn't, both times.

Can you believe it!?
I had sex on holiday with someone A LOT younger than me. As a matter of fact he is younger than my little brother. I used to change his NAPPY (not my lover's, my brother's... ) -but hey, what a mind fuck! Not to mention the physical one...

Anyway, I arrived on an island in the sun for 2 weeks of diving, exotic food, and lounging on the beach and by the pool with an assortment of filthy literature- and a relatively new friend even crazier than myself.

Every day we met new guys- not all of them young, fit and sexy though. As a matter of fact, a lot of them were fat and married and beyond forty, so they automatically fell off the list of potential holiday romances.

Now, shall I go in chronological order or in the order of filthyness of my various dalliances?

Ok then, filthyness it is. But wait, there will be more to come (pun intended!)

Toy Boy (#1)

He's a young lad who came out diving with me one day. Fit body, beautiful face and absolutely stunning green eyes. He looked very young, about 24 at the most. He was on holiday with his parents (which could have given me a clue, but then again my ex, who is now 25 still holidays with his folks...).

One night we ended up playing pool and drinking in the hotel beach bar. We'd been to another bar with the rest of the diving crew in the early afternoon, and were quite smashed on rum cocktails (me) and the local beer (him).
This first setting was beautiful- and hot! I ordered my first cocktail, then stripped down to my bikini and swam out to a wooden platform in the warm ocean, where I started chatting with two local girls. Some guys joined us and we basked in the evening sun, chilling out. My diving instructor Mike (they are ALWAYS called Mike) took pictures of me from the beach.
He was in the process of developing a serious crush on me, despite his girlfriend (who according to him didn't present an obstacle) waiting on the starting blocks ready to give up her carreer in the States to join him on the island...
Fast forward a few hours and the rest of the crew were pissed as farts, my friend had taken off "for dinner" with the local Ladies Man and Toy Boy and I sat in the back of the diving truck with the Captain's girlfriend, who was slurring her words and asking Toy Boy all sorts of embarassing questions. Would he fuck her if he had the chance?
She's in her forties.
He'd been calling her "mum" all day as a joke.
He was grinning like a fool, but slightly taken aback.
She took another huge slug from her cocktail bucket (yes really, it was literally a bucket) and asked: "Would you fuck Sienna?"
We both laughed, embarrassed, but there had definitely been some flirting going on at the beach bar, as well as some rivalry between ToyBoy and Mike.

The drunk couple went to bed and ToyBoy and I proceeded to batter 4 Indian boys at pool whilst Mike watched. After he went to bed, we went for a swim in the hotel pool. He stayed close and we chatted. Actually, we chatted a bit too much, I couldn't quite work out if he wanted me or not, but I was definitely attracted to him.
Despite the 10 year age gap!!!
Then again, he's an adult and taller than me...

We got out the pool and into the open air shower which overlooks the ocean and the neighbouring island, illuminated by the moonlight. There, with water cascading down our bodies, he kissed me.
Soon we were grabbing each other's faces and sucking on each other's lips, he bit a little trail of kisses down my neck and pressed himself against me whilst we breathed and swallowed and licked water.

I took him upstairs to my room- and there, to our surprise, was my friend- covered by a sheet but naked in bed watching TV. The local Ladies Man had apparently stood her up after taking her back to get showered and changed. Bummer!
It was rather awkward. There I was, dripping wet and turned on with a 19-year old teenager in tow, waiting to get my rocks off whilst she had been dumped by her date.
I informed her I had invited Toy Boy to spend the night because his parents had gone to bed early, and although she was surprised, she didn't seem to object.
Whilst we were swimming, the phone by the pool had been ringing, so I guessed that maybe it was her date who tried to contact her- since obviously reception weren't picking up the phone.

So, as the true friend and horny minx I am, I suggested she go down there to pick up when he next tried to call.

She left the room and Toy Boy and I started kissing again. Suddenly, she came back in and caught us springing apart from our kiss.
She flipped out:
"I can't believe you would bring him back here, I am not comfortable sharing a room with a couple, you didn't even ask me, this is a room for 2 people not three..."
She was really angry, which annoyed me. I mean, come on, like I would try to have sex with someone whilst she was there, not bloody likely. ToyBoy had nowhere to go and we were still horny as hell, so I just grabbed a blanket and dragged him out of the room.
There was a sofa in the abandoned restaurant downstairs- lit by moonlight and concerted by tree frogs, crickets and the lapping of the sea against the rocks.

We pulled our wet swimsuits off, and snogged and stroked each other's skin. I had managed to sneak a condom out of my room. It was hot and sexy, and his kisses made me want him inside me as soon as possible. He had the sort of flat, youthful stomach only very young men have, which tapered sexily down to his groin. He barely had any chest hair, just smooth, taut and tanned skin with brown, sensitive nipples.
He pushed me onto my back and took my bikini panties off, sliding his fingers inside me. I went to suck his cock, stroking his bum and balls which he enjoyed immensely. Then he fucked me hard until I came, finishing off with me on all fours, clutching on to the side of the sofa whilst rubbing my clit.
Afterwards, I was keen to get out of the restaurant. There was a security guard around somewhere, and I wasn't keen to get caught. Somehow we left the condom behind, which he found hilarious.

We passed the security guard by the pool as we went back to my room, where my friend was still as angry as an old witch. The poor boy! To make matters worse, I knocked the nearly full rum bottle off the counter as we came in, because I was still carrying the unwieldy blanket.
So- there I stood in a wet bikini with a condom wrapper stuck in my bra, in the dark surrounded by glass.
Toy Boy switched on the light and proceeded to pick up the glass from the floor around me, whilst my friend bitched and bitched.

Suddenly, there was blood on the floor- Toy Boy had stepped into a shard of glass and cut his toe.
Whilst I was cleaning up and trying to deal with my hysterical friend, I also attempted to nurse poor Toy Boy by wrapping a wet wash cloth around his toe.
When my friend realised what had happened, she went and got some plasters, then thrust my dive instructor's number towards us, suggesting Toy Boy should crash there. How embarrassing!
The poor boy was utterly confused and humiliated, injured and tired with nowhere to go.
We went outside to pretend we were calling his parents, but no luck- even when he eventually DID call their number.

I suggested he sleep on the restaurant sofa, he wanted to try and walk. Can you imagine how bad I felt for him- first I fuck him, then toss him out onto the street with a cut toe- not nice!!!

Eventually my friend came round and "permitted" him to sleep with us. She even got him some sleep shorts. Women, honestly!!!
He crawled into bed with me, and immediately proceeded to kiss and fondle me with no regard whatsoever to the close shave we'd just had.

In the morning, thankfully she made herself rare and we went a second round, this time in my comfy bed...

Hi folks, a lil update on my recent love life is soon to follow, so add me as a friend if you want to read it!
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