Because I don't know what to think.

KB called me last night, just when I was trying to drink myself into oblivion on free cocktails, I don't know what he wanted really.

We had a bit of a chat (him in Piccadilly Circus, me at the bottom of a staircase in a bar, so the setting wasn't ideal), about the same thing over and over, I tried to sound upbeat.
Well I guess I was upbeat.

Or trying to be.

Really, I am just sad.
And I feel rejected.

We had a long msn chat in the afternoon too, in which I told him I did another test because my period is still a no-show.

He kept going: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry".

So he should be.

He seems to think everything between us is just hopeless, and the fun has gone.
Whatever.

I told him not to call me today, as I have a date.
I suspect he may be a nerd though.

Plus he is really short (again!) so I better think about a sensible footwear option.

Why do I do this? Try and distract myself with yet another dead-end date. Well, it could be fun.

Who knows. He is funny and intelligent, but I feel a bit unfair being still so emotionally raw and all.

The alternative: lie on my sofa and cry. And eat chocolate. Or in my bed.
Boring.

I have tried dragging my cellulitey arse into the gym/dancing to no avail. TO a bar, yes, but on the treadmill, no.

I have tons of very un-sympathetic friends, which doesn't exactly help.

By the time I cycled home last night I was so drunk I don't know how I managed it. I have also become allergic to my helmet. Not a good combination!

At least that should help burn off some of those free cocktails and canapees...

-------

Rugby boy is still keen to see me, I may visit Train boy at his posh uni- but really who can be bothered.

I mean- how would anyone interpret this story?

Boy meets girl
woos her
gets her into bed
gets her to fall in love with him
reassures her that he'll be there for her
she starts to believe him, to spend lots of time with him, to fall for him and to imagine him in her future
he does a runner.

nice.