Tonight I am seeing Yacht Boy for dinner, followed by music.

I look forward to it, as I haven't seen him in over 2 weeks. A weekend work commitment prevented me from joining his latest sailing adventure (the weekend before was spent with his parents), and I will be away again this weekend, so I am grasping the little time we can spend together with both hands.

Irritatingly, a friend of mine wants to crash on my sofa this evening... I don't know why I keep doing people these sort of favours! I told him I will send him a big invoice soon, and I will. This is a personal favour, and he is a great person to know, but work and personal favours keep blending into one and I feel torn with the constant demands.

I will just have to drop into the conversation with Yacht Boy that the Friend is gay. He is, but he acts straight.

Anyway, they will most likely never meet- YB lives in the depths of South London, and I am not sure I will get the time to tidy up my pad this evening... I am just hoping for divine intervention which will prevent the Friend from taking advantage of my offer!

I have realised that the most important factor when it comes to me fancying someone, wanting to spend time with them and eventually falling in love with them is attention.

KB wasn't my type physically (although he did have very pretty eyes), but he was reliable, went the extra mile for me (a 7am airport drop-off 2 days before Christmas, when he had to be at work that morning!), lent me money before he even knew me properly, spent ages chatting to me online, listened, called when he said he would, and showered me with (tasteful) affection.

So, in the end I was snared. From an open ear to his open arms, and I sometimes still miss him terribly. From his cooking, to watching DVDs together, attending York races (which never happened) to scouring yet more charity shops together, I wonder what we would be doing now... and whether he might have changed his mind about marrying me yet.

Blog Boy could do one thing well, too: pay me attention. Woo me, flatter me, wow me with his humour and intelligence, and in the end, get me to agree to meet with him. Only he forgot to mention his girlfriend... who was obviously not available to his attention during working hours (and, judging by her criticism of his libido, neither at night).

Channel man, although an eccentric drunkard prone to bringing up his 21-year old model-cum-law-student ex every five minutes, grabbing my bum in public and embarrassing me by singing Nazi songs, again showered me with attention, phone calls and champagne (if not flowers- despite repeated promises).

The Colonel, an overweight, two-timing charmer who possessed a loud American voice, arrogance boardering on obnoxious self-obsession, a faible for unprotected anal sex (no thanks!) and seduction techniques which involved a bottle of wine (mostly puked up over his toilet) and the promise of love and romance, backed up by an overdrawn bank account and the doubtful pleasure of making love on Rohypnol, was another attention dealer to my desperate junkie.

All bullshit. But it works so well!

On the other hand, there is straight, sincere Fencing Boy- admittedly passionate and jealous, still afraid of marriage, very involved in his own business, with a busy sporting life and good social connections. A top notch lover with an attractive face and body, a generous spirit and his own house... who thinks it is perfectly acceptable
-to call me on a Saturday to ask me out that night
-not to see me for 2 weeks
-to text instead of ring me
-to let me down at the last minute when I expected him to turn up at a venue, which wouldn't let him in by the time he finally rocked up 2 hours late
-to suggest a duel with Chelsea Boy, even though he and I aren't even in a relationship.

Also, there is cute and funny Yacht Boy with his passion for wind and water, his own boat, who introduced me to his brother on our second "date", who bought me a book on sailing, asked me on his holiday, let me steer his most prized possession, paid me lots of compliments and
-lied about where he lives
-didn't call me at all between May and August
-doesn't always reply to my texts
-and is ALSO ONLY TWENTY-NINE!

I am supposed to see Fencing Boy tomorrow, but doubt this will happen now because of my early flight on Friday. It may also be just a little too confusing: after all, the first time I slept with FB, I went on that sailing trip with YB the next day (but nothing happened there). Maybe that was a good thing, as I didn't want to rush it with YB and may well have done if I had been hornier.

They are both nice guys, and would never dream of asking me if there was anyone else. I wouldn't ask them either: it's just too early for that.

But why am I never attracted to someone 10 years older, or someone who DOESN't call me all the time!?