Hm...

I knew this issue wasn't just going to go away... at least if you're not having sex you don't have to worry about potential consequences.

Hot sex aside, it is confusing to think I am yet again sharing my bed with a man who hasn't expressed a desire that his children share my genes.

Yet he has invited me to meet his sister on her idyllic island, his sister who is a happily married mum of a one-year old, and younger than me.

How will I cope with that?

Over the weekend the subject of adoption came up through an article in the Guardian, and I just feel I have to do something.
Then this morning on GMTV there was a couple talking about fostering.

Bleary-eyed BBB didn't seem like the ideal discussion partner at that time in the morning, but he saw the smile on my face as I watched this inspiring couple and their young charge.

Last night we'd had a long chat before a drawn-out love making session, not sure if he worries about losing me and just getting his end away as much as possible before the invariable end, but I wish I'd not let him stay over yet.
It is all getting too raw and painful again.

I mean, what am I doing? I clearly don't have the clear head and patience to get involved in a relationship, I'd rather just concentrate on being single and becoming a mum without the messy involvement of a man in my life.

On the other hand, it's what every woman dreams of and every child deserves, a "proper" family unit and a supportive partner. And, ideally, a biological child.

That he relies on me for contraception and went to see a woman yesterday who he used to be in love with just adds extra dimensions to the general feeling of head-fuck.