It is nice to feel wrapped in a cushion of the real thing, not some imposter like lust or fleeting fancy for someone you've just met.

In a weird way, this reminds me of the kind of emotion I associate with family, although of course I want to do things with him I wouldn't want to do with my brother or cousins!

Yes, he gets on my nerves occasionally and I on his, but that makes no difference to the priviledged position we hold in each others' lives.

I could have him go out with a female friend, an ex, receive texts or emails, whatever, and never doubt the place I claim in his heart.

After dancing last night I felt tired and sweaty but it was so nice to have someone expecting me at home! I went straight to his door rather than my own and he was so happy to see me.
Although his health still wasn't great - like me, he finds it impossible to take things easy when he's not feeling well and had done a million and one things, including drafted up a detailed response to an extremely nasty email from his soon-to-be ex wife.

I've never read anything quite so shocking in my life. Nasty, offensive, vitriolic, below the belt and then some. Poor guy. I didn't really know what to say, so I just hugged and kissed him to show him I was there for him always.

We are planning a holiday, which also depends on his health and whether or not he will be able to return to the UK within 6 hours if any complications arise. Yes, most places with a human population thankfully have medical facilities, but it is a slight risk to bear in mind in the case of travelling to Africa.

I went to his bathroom to have a shower, and he sat on the laundry basket watching me, as I soaped my hair and body.
"You are looking very good these days" he compliments me nearly every time I take my clothes off, and he apologised that he couldn't join me as he couldn't stand up very well because of the pain.

So I titillated him by running my hands across my frothy body, and smiled and kept up the chat.
"What are you doing to me?" he laughed, and dived between my legs the moment I settled on his sofa.

He borrowed a tux from some other neighbours for an event tonight, and this is the first time they found out about "us" - how could they not, with me emerging from his flat in his bath robe with a towel around my hair, and him taking his dressing gown off to try on the jacket in the hallway, displaying his white pants to everyone!? :)

I am so, so happy that I feel so comfortable with him and trust him, and that sex is a small part of our relationship, which started and continues without it, but it is a nice bonus when we do make love...
We talk about it.

We also talk about having a baby, and many of these chats are instigated by him, not me.

I met up with a female friend on Sunday, and her boyfriend met up with Jake, and independently they questioned us about our relationship.
"Y warned me that you want children", he said "according to him some of your previous relationships finished because of that".
"How dare he" I flared up, jumping off the sofa in a mad rage, "that isn't true. My relationships failed because I was cheated on or lied to, or the person just wasn't right. People don't leave me!!"

Jake calmed me down, which he knows how to do after being my friend for so long. "Chill out, I told him that how did he know that I don't want the same, of course I want children, this is why I got married".
I know that, of course, and it's what I told Y's girlfriend, X, when she asked me the same thing. "You know if you want to settle down this year, Jake may be the wrong person" she said as we walked along the river, blasted by October winds. Settle down? This year? "What do you mean?" I asked her, "I don't think you know him as well as I do. And we have talked about starting a family..." She seemed surprised. Just why does she think she is telling me new information? What does she think I've done with him every week for almost a year, if not talk, and possibly mention how broody I am etc; is she forgetting that he was there the night I went to A&E with the miscarriage, and did I never mention to her that he tried IVF with his ex!?

"What about financially?" she probes me further. Of course, that is a concern, but not one of hers. Any partner in this endeavour will be a bonus for me, who was considering becoming a single adopter in the future. He is good with kids. He doesn't need much sleep. We own a property each. He has a supportive family, and assets abroad. An income, possibly even an inheritance. I am not worried. I have a secure job with a generous maternity package, and we are both so excited about the prospect of becoming parents.

"You know, that is what I was planning all along", I tease him, "when I met you outside the polling station and you were waiting for your wife two years ago, my plan was to seduce you one day. I've been working away at that plan ever since".
"Just what I was thinking", he shoots back "here comes the perfect vessel for me to procreate with! I saw you and thought 'she will bear me a son'!" I fall into his arms, laughing and savour his kisses.
Nobody makes me laugh like him. Some of it is gallow's humour. "I used to feel selfish for wanting a family" he says, "as I may not be around for them. But then again, anyone could get hit by a bus tomorrow..." My take on it is that kids are a great reason to want to keep living. "If you wanted, you could just be an arsehole to everyone so nobody would miss you" I tell him, "but isn't it better this way?"

He tells me he will speak to the clinic to remove his ex' name from his sperm deposits, and put my name down for them.
"When we try it, I want to do it fresh" he tells me, "it will work better this way and I am in better health now than when we tried before. The motility was good. But I don't want her to have it, and you know there's been cases when someone's wife wanted to get pregnant but couldn't, because the paperwork wasn't there. So I want to make sure I sign it over to you so if in the future you decide to have a baby and are considering sperm donation, at least you can say 'I knew this chap' and you can use mine".

My eyes well up. "Nobody's done anything this amazing for me before" I tell him before I have to sniff, and I hug my face into his frottee chest. It feels so good to be on the same page.

"My nipples are so big" I tell him a bit later, "maybe one of your high-motility sperm swum around the condom..."
"Don't be daft" he replies, "they are just big because I am teasing them" and he continues to run his thumb over my left nipple.