So - another sex blogger's anonymity bites the dust.
What is it with the public's obsession to unmask every last anonymous blogger who happens to have landed a publishing deal?
Are people THAT bored of gritty, real-life stories which can only ever be honestly told from behind a veil of pseudonymity?
After all, which person's true life story has ever become more fascinating through (self-) censorship?
Is it perhaps that the sex blogger's intrusive pen has become second only to the toothed vagina in the top ten of a straight man's greatest sex paranoias?
Perhaps the worry that every bit of pre-coital conversation, every move and squelch may be analyzed by a woman's probing mind and pored over by an international community of one-handed readers could be enough to cause men to behave in a more respectful way towards their conquests, girlfriends and spouses!?
Wouldn't that be a good thing?
Why try to find out who every last one of these women might be, as some things are better left private.
If you are the man who expects a woman to suck you off after your cock has made her bleed, if you are the guy who never calls a woman again after you enjoyed each other's company for a night of passion, if you're a guy who cheats and hurts women with your deceit, if you bite someone as you take her doggy-style so her arm is blue for a week, or if you encourage her to eat in an expensive restaurant, then refuse to pick up the bill - perhaps you should be worried she may explore these experiences in a blog, but it should also be in your interest that she (and therefore you) remain anonymous.
Everyone has experiences worth writing about, but only some of us do.
Most people have demanding jobs or families that leave them no time for creative self-expression, and yes, it is the necessity to stay in the mainstream workplace that compells sex bloggers to remain anonymous as it is only the very few and lucky ones who can afford to live off their earnings from writing full-time.
And it maintains a balance in our writing, as it would be a boring read indeed if all we ever did was go on dates, fall into bed and write about it the next day since that would hardly reflect the majority of our readers' realities who have a full life, including a 'day' job and may find it a challenge to relate to someone who doesn't.
Belle didn't want to stay a call girl forever, and had the sense not to rest on her writing laurels as she didn't want her whole persona to be defined by her sex life.
People's priorities change, and once she is a busy working mother she may not find so many tantalising things to write about, so, like many people in the arts, she realised that being a sex writer can only ever be a temporary career. And her ambitions were higher than that, anyway - the reason she needed the cash in the first place was to fund her PhD.
Why did she keep a blog about her work as a hooker, you may wonder? Probably for many of the same reasons I kept a blog about my multi-dating experiment:
1) To keep track of people you've spent time with, as it is so easy to forget things that may make a cool memory to re-visit once you are a wrinkly geriatric.
2) To be part of a community. People in office jobs, on the shop floor or a hospital, in fact most professions I can think of have the daily support of colleagues, and an environment where they can communicate with other people on a regular basis and not feel isolated. As a sex worker (like Belle), someone contracted to a film set for a limited period of time (like Zoe Margolis) or a freelancer/temp as was the case with me when I first started blogging you can get very lonely, and to join an online community of bloggers who also share intimate details of their personal lives feels very nice and supportive. It is less lonely than "just" being a writer, and is a great incentive to carry on writing if that is your favourite medium of creative expression.
3) To make sense of it all. Sometimes we doubt our own choices and the wisdom behind the path we have chosen, so to write these doubts and reflections down can help order our thoughts and to learn from our experiences. When I realised that many of the things I was going through were just repetitions of episodes I had written about previously, I discovered a pattern of expectation and subsequent disappointment which made me change the way I looked at and did things. I've always kept a diary in order to do this, and it's a great tool for introspection and learning your life lessons in order to make better choices.
4) It's a form of repentence. People who go to church give confession and feel a weight lifted off their minds, so occasionally it can feel very liberating to off-load some niggling thoughts, get them down on paper/on the web and move on with your day. Nobody's perfect, but to acknowledge that fact is usually a great step to feel better about yourself. At least you may have made someone laugh in the process if you're the author of a widely read blog.
5) To show that you matter. Yes, you may only be a person struggling along in your everyday life like anyone else, failing to meet Mr Right/stay on top of your student debt/find a decent shag once a week/get the French father of your daughter to take an interest in your life - but check out the 300,000 words you can accumulate about nothing but your sex life in 3 years! What a result!
6) To use your intellect. When you are in a dead-end job where you feel underchallenged/freezing daily on a film set/on your back with your knickers around your ankles for most of the day, where does a woman get to use her little grey cells!? Start a blog! Your writing style will soon improve and you'll get a kick out of collecting an eger community of horny readers. If your posts are boring, you won't - so you'll have to try harder.
As for why you'd want to stay anonymous!?
1) Not necessarily for your parents' sake. It astounds me that so many commenters on articles related to Brooke or Zoe's outings say: "Her parents must be proud! Not!" as if it were something shameful to be a best-selling author.
Because the books contain graphic descriptions of sex!? Blow me down, I have an incling that most people's parents may have partaken in a session of hot nookie or two themselves! Simple biology...
Also, parents have a knack for being proud of their kids - be they single teenage mums, recovering drug addicts, in prison, working in Boots, high court judges or window cleaners.
The only thing parents may not be so proud of may well be to read hypocritical, judgemental comments of their small-minded offspring online, showing off their limited intellect to all the world!
As it happens, my mum is extremely proud of my own achievement af getting my book published, despite its embarrassing title. She even showed it off to my 93-year-old grandma. They've not read it though, apart from the acknowledgements.
2) To keep your mortgage. Whilst many employers may not look kindly on you spending your spare time blogging about what you got up to between the sheets, it is your own business and hardly a reason for sacking someone, but it may be embarrassing to face your boss or work colleagues in meetings if they know the contents, scent and intruders of your knickers in detail. So you may feel less comfortable at work which could influence your performance.
I don't think I have enough interesting things to say to keep the pennies flowing in based on my writing alone (especially in this economy, and pay cuts in the media left, right and centre) so I wouldn't want to try. But in order to keep my job, flat and pension I prefer to keep my two identities separate.
3) To spare people's blushes who appear between your pages. Some accounts of sexual encounters aren't flattering, and after all it's personal so you should do your utmost to protect people's true identities. You may have met your ex' conservative parents or done something you're not proud of which you then tried to come to grips with in your writing, so the confession you have decided to share with the world should remain confidential.
If you are open with the ones closes to you, you may be pleasantly surprised however. There's nothing better than showing off your achievements to and sharing your success with the people you love, and their support is vital.
Since the news of Belle's outing broke, my boyfriend has offered to sign any legal disclaimer which would prevent him from doing the same as "Owen" (mind your head now, dear), and I've had nothing but support for my own writing from close friends and my family.
Needless to say, they are all open-minded, intelligent people who enjoy sex!
I can relate to when Belle says she felt worse at times about her writing than about having sex for money, that sort of secrecy whilst an aspect of you is in the public eye can be a burden to bear, especially if you are simultaneously acting all secret squirrel and trying to promote your book in order to increase sales to a respectable number to allow you to recoupe your advance.
The over-eager snappers at most book events and various related Facebook groups don't help, but it is surprising at how many of these events you can get away with a comedy wig and glasses!
After all, it's much more fun being a secret agent with a hidden double life than a snoop...
I won't claim that my writing persona is saving the city from crime like a female Batman or Spiderman, but discussing gender differences and sex taboos honestly may help to make the world a better place for some fellow horny females.
, so I don't take this personally and try to use it as constructive criticism instead.
